


My Love for You was Blind

by Balletismyobsession



Category: Glee
Genre: Accident, Angst, Blind!Blaine, Hurt, M/M, blaingst, hurt!blaine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 09:27:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 35,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6418042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balletismyobsession/pseuds/Balletismyobsession
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine is in a serious accident, and Kurt helps him deal with his new disability.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The shrill ringing of his phone jolted him awake. He groaned. It had been a hell of a week and though it was only nine o'clock on a Friday night, Kurt Hummel had been happily asleep for about an hour. Without lifting his head or opening his eyes, his hand escaped the confines of his blankets and fished around on his nightstand until his fingers closed around his phone.

"Hello?" he mumbled groggily. Whoever was calling better have a damn good reason.

"Kurt? Where are you?"

Something in his father's voice was different. Something sounded off. His eyes opened and he pushed himself off his stomach and turned over, sitting up and flicking on the light.

"I'm asleep. Well, I was. At home. Why? What happened?"

There was a pause. "Can you be ready quickly? Just wear some sweats and a jacket or something. I'm picking you up in five."

His eyes blinked blearily in the light of the small reading lamp. "Wait. What?"

"Just do it, Kurt."

The command in his father's voice set Kurt on edge. Something wasn't right. "Dad. What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'll-"

"Dad." He could feel his heart kick into a faster pace. Something was very wrong.

There was a sigh on the other end of the line. "It's Blaine. He's been in an accident. The stop light just changed. I'll be there soon."

Kurt's wide eyes trained on the wall in front of him. He could feel his pulse thud in his ears. The line went dead as Burt hung up and Kurt's numb fingers curled around the phone as his hand fell into his lap. His head dropped down. This couldn't be real. It was a mistake. It's Blaine. He's been in an accident. His breathing came faster and suddenly Kurt bolted upright, grabbing his jacket off of the back of his desk chair and running out his bedroom door.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt had ran down the stairs and not stopped until he threw open the front door, the blast of night air stinging his face. He shrugged on the jacket and zipped it up, then realized that there was no where he could go until his father arrived. His heart was hammering in his chest, coupled with his heavy breathing. He shoved his shaking hands in the pockets of his jacket and began to pace on the porch, his flannel pajama pants not doing much to guard against the wind, but he really could care less. The first pair of shoes he'd been able to find in the dark were Finn's old sneakers. Why they were in his room, he had no idea. It didn't even bother him that he was wearing Finn's shoes without any socks.

Blaine had been in an accident. What kind of accident? The first thing that crossed his mind was a car crash, but Blaine had told him he was going to stay at Dalton over the weekend and get caught up on a project he had to do. Kurt remembered feeling disappointed because it was his birthday the Monday after this weekend and he'd wanted to spend the weekend with Blaine. But he knew that Blaine was trying to keep a 4.0 GPA this semester and he didn't blame him for needing to stay at the dorm. So Blaine would be studying all weekend. He had no need for his car, right? Had he gotten mugged, beat up, or… oh, god... raped? So many scenarios filtered through his mind in a matter of seconds. Not helping. Now he was panicking.

Kurt was assuming they were going to the hospital. Where Blaine would be getting fixed up from whatever happened and he'd be fine. Right? But his dad's voice… it just sounded so…

Kurt groaned. Where the hell was his dad? He checked his phone for the tenth time.

When the scratching of tires sounded on the asphalt, Kurt practically flew off the porch. Burt didn't turn off the car, just waited until his son's butt was in the seat and the door was slammed shut. Kurt didn't even buckle his seatbelt. He turned to his father, his hands shaking and he could feel the color drain from his face and he knew that his eyes held solid fear and his voice was filled with panic. "What happened to Blaine?"

Burt kept his eyes trained on the road in front of him, tires squealing as he pushed the speed limit. The words sent a shiver down Kurt's spine. "Car crash."

"W-what? B-but he didn't even need his car! He was supposed to be studying!" The volume of his words rose with his fear.

"I don't know much. They couldn't get a hold of Blaine's parents and I was the next on the contact list. They're going to keep calling them though. They couldn't tell me anything specific, but," He met Kurt's wide eyes for a brief moment, "Kurt, it's not good."


	3. Chapter 3

They sat in silence for the entire ride. They were going to the hospital. Kurt could tell by the route being taken. He'd been with Finn often enough, who'd had appendicitis once and countless stitches and sprains that came with football. Kurt just wrapped his arms around himself and curled up, staring out the window. He was glad he'd grabbed a jacket that was slightly big on him. As stupid as it sounded, he wanted to just hide away from the rest of the world right now so that maybe he could begin to focus on what he was feeling. His face rested against the cool glass window as the scene sped past him. He sat up straight when he saw the lights of the hospital close up.

It was torture to wait while his dad found a parking space. They had to park farther away than Kurt wanted. Well, if he was truthful, he wouldn't mind parking in the hospital but that would end up with a lot of broken glass and he pitied the janitor who'd have to clean that up. He couldn't even roll his eyes at his own sarcastic mind. God, he just wanted to see Blaine.

He resisted running, only because he still worried about his dad's heart and if he took off without him, as gratifying as it would be to get there faster, he knew that he needed his dad with him. If it really was as bad as Burt's voice made it seem, he would need the support of his father because he wouldn't be able to be there alone. And he almost stopped in his tracks as a thought slammed into his mind.

What if Blaine died? What if Blaine was already dead?

His heaving breaths squeezed out of his lungs and he suddenly felt dizzy. His steps faltered and a hand reached out, grabbing the arm of his father's long-sleeved shirt to steady himself. Burt turned automatically and one look at his son's face creased his features with worry. He placed strong hands on Kurt's shoulders.

"Are you okay? You look really pale."

Kurt covered his mouth with one hand and lifted his wet eyes to meet his father's steady gaze. "Dad…" he whispered. "Dad, is… is he d-dead?"

He was pulled into a bone-crushing hug and Burt's hands moved soothingly on his back. "No. No he's not. Kurt, I… I didn't mean to worry you like that. It's just they didn't tell me anything else and I shouldn't have… No, Kurt. Don't think like that. It was a bad accident, but…" he sighed. He was about to say but not life-threatening but he really didn't know. And if he gave his son that false hope and his boyfriend died tonight… Burt would never forgive himself. And neither would Kurt. "Let's just go and see what's going on, okay?" He kept his voice strong and put an arm around Kurt's shoulders, leading the unresisting boy to the wide double front doors that slid opened automatically to grant them entrance.

Kurt kept his mouth shut for two reasons. The biggest reason was that he was afraid if he opened his mouth, he would start crying and freaking out and that wasn't going to help Blaine at all. The second was that his father was a lot better at handling these situations and he was grateful that he didn't have to say a word.

"Anderson. Yes, Blaine."

Kurt only heard pieces of Burt's conversation with the desk receptionist.

"I'm Burt Hummel. I was on the emergency contact list. I got a call about twenty minutes ago…"

There was a roaring in his ears. It was just like when his dad was in the hospital. He had the same feeling in the pit of his stomach, nausea mixed with unease.

"And then we'll be able to speak to the doctor? Now where do…"

He hated hospitals and… he closed his eyes. The voice in his head was pleading. Let me see Blaine. Please. Please, please, please, oh god let me see Blaine.

He felt his father's grip on his arm and he followed blindly, not knowing where they were going and frankly not caring. They went up in an elevator, around a maze of hallways and passed many doors and came into a small room with four love-seat type chair set up. Two tables sat in the corner. One was filled with magazines, the other, children's play toys. Burt sat Kurt down in a chair and went to the desk, talking more with some people that didn't matter in Kurt's mind.

He stared at the shoes on his feet as his arms wrapped tighter around his middle. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to force the scrub-clad people to let him in, wherever in was. Burt sat next to him and rested his hands on his knees. And now they waited.

After what felt like an eternity, Kurt turned his head slightly. "What did they say?"

"We'll have to wait until the doctor gets here, bud. They're with him now. They brought him in about half an hour ago."

Kurt dropped his head into his hands, willing himself not to break down. He was starting to tremble. His father's comforting hand moved in soothing patterns on his back but he out of all the things that could tumble from his lips, he just kept repeating one sentence every once in a while as if he had to say it constantly so he would believe that this was happening, that this wasn't just a horrible nightmare.

"He was supposed to be studying." Kurt whispered to the floor from between his fingers. "He was supposed to be studying."


	4. Chapter 4

It seemed like they sat there for hours, with Burt occasionally getting up to talk to the people at the front desk, never having any new information that mattered to Kurt. And maybe they did sit there for hours. The numbers on the clock continued to blur in Kurt's eyes and he couldn't makes sense of the fuzzy streaks of black on white. His cell phone was somewhere on the floor of his room. He vaguely remembered falling off his lap when he got up to go outside.

It was late though. Kurt knew that. His eyes were starting to burn but he didn't close them. Other people came in the waiting room and stayed for a while, or left quickly to follow a doctor dressed in a white lab coat or blue scrubs with strange light blue covers on their shoes or covering their hair. He shuddered when he thought of why they would need those. What if Blaine was in surgery? He let out a frustrated sigh and blinked hard at the fibers in the carpet.

Finally, oh god finally, a doctor emerged from the door with a clipboard and called out, "Anderson?"

Kurt shot up, his dad right behind him, and ran to the only person who was likely to tell him anything.

"Is he okay? What happened?"

He ignored him and instead asked, "Burt Hummel?" When he nodded, the man said, "Right this way, please."

Kurt followed along, annoyance bubbling up inside him. It was a yes or no question. Was he okay? As they were lead down the hall, the doctor began speaking and Kurt held onto every word.

"I'm Dr. Levi. Blaine was brought into the ER following a car crash a few miles from here. He was in critical condition, suffering lacerations and contusions and a substantial head injury. According to onlookers who called it in, he was hit at a stop light from the front by the other car, a drunk driver who was going way over the speed limit. The force caused his head to snap back, causing blunt force trauma to the back of the head hitting the side of the car door. That was our biggest concern. We've stopped the bleeding and there doesn't seem to be any skull fracturing and CT and MRI scans revealed that he didn't have any major hematomas, or bleeding in the brain. However, the impact caused the ocular nerves to be compressed, cutting off blood supply to that area of the brain. Unfortunately, we weren't able to restore the nerves and the extent of the damage was too great to repair. We won't know the degree of damage until his brain has had time to heal. But as of right now, it seems like the trauma is irreparable. This will all be explained in more detail once he's had the time to rest. We've given him a sedative for now that will help him heal. We want to keep brain activity to a minimum for the next few hours. There are nurses available at the front desk down this hall," he indicated the continuing hallway in front of them and stopped by a door. "And his parents should be here within the hour. I ask that you try and stay quiet. Even sedated, it is important for his environment to be as calm as possible. We have a nurse assigned to Blaine, who should be in shortly to answer any further questions."

Burt let out a heavy sigh and nodded. "Thank you."

A small piece of paper was taped next to the door, marked with thick black letters spelling out ANDERSON. Kurt hadn't moved his eyes from the door. Knowing that Blaine was there, right behind that door, was almost too much to take. He'd been trying to keep up with the medical terms Dr. Levi was spewing out but he just couldn't take anything in. The doctor nodded to them and turned to leave. And Kurt was overcome with a burst of emotion.

"Wait." The doctor turned and looked at Kurt. "W-what does that mean?"

Dr. Levi took a short breath. "He's blind."


	5. Chapter 5

Kurt did not want to believe what he was seeing. He wanted to pretend that what the doctor had said was a lie, that Blaine was just kidding around. But as he took in the scene before him, he realized that it was horribly, horribly true. He felt his breath hitch and he fought to keep his breathing at a normal pace. Burt's hand weighed on Kurt's shoulder and it just felt so heavy.

"Dad," Kurt whispered, turning his head slightly towards his father, but keeping his eyes trained on Blaine, "can you give us a minute?"

Burt's eyes softened at Kurt's use of the word 'us' because it was clear that Blaine was not going to be responding. "Sure, son." His tone was full of aching sadness for Kurt. "I'll be right outside if you need me."

Kurt nodded and waited until he heard the soft click of the door falling shut behind him. He took in a shuddering breath and let his feet move him a few steps closer to the bed. Blaine was laying there, the blankets folded at his chest, the light green and white checkered hospital gown tied loosely around his neck. Kurt kept his eyes on Blaine's chest. He did not let his gaze linger above Blaine's neck. There were bandages covering his forearms, his left wrist, and the edges of the white bandage could be seen peeking out from the gown on his left shoulder. Kurt's hand curled around the low bar on the right side of the bed, a twin to the bar on the left side. He swallowed hard and though the tears were already forming, he forced himself to look up into Blaine's face.

He was sobbing before he truly took in what he saw. The tears blurred his vision, and even when he closed his eyes, he still saw the thick white gauze and bandage layer wrapping around Blaine's head. The bandage covered almost the entire back of his head, with his unruly curls sticking up around the gauze that held them down. His forehead down to the bridge of his nose was wrapped up in the bandage, completely covering his eyes. The skin Kurt could see, his cheekbones, chin, mouth, and neck, were for the most part, covered in multicolored bruises and scratches, some deep enough to be covered by more bandages.

He took deep breaths through the hand that was covering his mouth. Scolding himself, he tried to calm down. Have to keep quiet, he thought over and over. He stared down at Blaine's face, his body so bruised and broken. A little voice in the back of his mind told him that Blaine was lucky. No broken bones and he was here, alive. But all Kurt could think right now was that those bandages meant that it was true. Blaine was blind.

His hand was shaking when he brought it forward, hovering mere centimeters above Blaine's wrist. He was sedated and wouldn't be able to feel it, but Kurt still did not want to touch him for fear of hurting him. Instead, he settled for laying his palm flat on the bed and getting their hands so close that he could feel Blaine's body heat radiating off his skin. But he did not touch him.

Kurt blinked hard, willing the tears to go away. Crying gave him a headache and all these tears would wreck havoc on his skin. He just started down at Blaine, forcing himself to get used to that mask around his face. He knew it would be worse for Blaine, when he woke up, but for now, Kurt kept his gaze where Blaine's eyes were. Where he should have been looking back.

"Blaine," he whispered, knowing he couldn't hear but saying it all the same. "What were you doing? Why were you even in that car? Where were you going?"

The steady hum of the heart monitor and the drip of the IV line and Blaine's gentle exhales were the only other sounds in the room other than Kurt's slowing breath. He heard the door open after a while and didn't look up.

But when Burt cleared his throat to announce another presence in the room, his eyes flicked up. There was a nurse dressed in pink hospital scrubs, matching laces on her tennis shoes, and her hair tied up in a ponytail.

"Hello. I'm Nurse Kelli. I've been assigned to Blaine for the next few hours until the sedative wears off. I'll be in and out checking his vitals and just seeing how things are going and I'll be here when he wakes up, along with Dr. Levi." As she said this, she indeed went over to Blaine and pushed a few buttons on a machine and wrote down some numbers on her chart. "Everything looks good so far. I know Dr. Levi explained a bit about what happened but I know it can be hard to take all of that in." She gave them a smile and despite the situation, Kurt liked this nurse and he felt himself relaxing, even just a tiny bit. "Did you have any questions?"

Burt looked to Kurt, who still had so much reeling through his mind. Kelli looked between the two of them and the first thing Kurt blurted out was, "Can he hear us?"

"We're not entirely sure but I like to think that he can." She smiled at him, encouragingly.

There were a million questions in Kurt's mind but he couldn't even begin to piece them into coherent sentences, so he just nodded and went back to staring down at Blaine.

"How long until he wakes up?" Burt asked and Kurt was grateful because he knew that that same question was one of the ones floating around in his mind.

"He should be out for a few more hours. Four at the most. And I know it's late and you boys probably aren't used to working the night shift like I am, so if you can, I'd recommend to try and get some sleep. There's a fold out bed in the closet if you'd like to use it. Not the most comfortable I'm afraid, but it's better than trying to stay awake. You're both probably going to want to be alert when he wakes up."

"Is he going to be in a lot of pain when he does wake up?"

"We have painkillers that we'll be weaning him into once the sedative wears off. If he is in a lot of pain, we can up the dosage and if it's really bad, we'll sedate him again, but I don't think we'll have to come to that."

"I think that's all I have for now unless… Kurt, did you have any other questions?"

Kurt shook his head numbly, not staring at either of them.

Kelli turned a sympathetic glance in his direction, then looked back to Burt. "I'll be back in about half an hour. And I'll be around if you need anything. His parents should be here very soon."

Burt nodded. "Thank you."

She left them and Burt cleared his throat and moved to the other side of Blaine's bed.

"What was he doing, Dad?" Kurt asked quietly, not lifting his head.

Burt sighed. "I don't know kiddo." His hand moved gently along the railing, whereas Kurt's hand was white-knuckled around the rail, just inches away from Blaine's hand. "You should probably get some sleep bud. You heard what she said. Want to be alert when he wakes up."

"I can't."

"I'll be here with him and I'll wake you up the moment he starts to blink."

He finally tore his gaze away from his motionless boyfriend and almost smiled. Almost. "No, you don't understand. I can't go to sleep. When you were in the hospital, believe me, I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I've learned that I have a very high tolerance when it comes to sleep deprivation. You can sleep though, dad. And I'll wake you the moment he starts to blink." A very small laugh squeezed from Kurt's lungs.

"I'll be fine. I need to wait for Blaine's parents. Did you want more time alone before they get here?"

Kurt nodded, returning his eyes to Blaine. "Thank you," he said softly.

"I'll knock before I let them come in."

When Kurt was alone again, he scooted the chair up as close as he could get to Blaine's bedside and put an elbow on the bar, letting his chin rest against his hand. With his other palm, he finally let himself very gently touch his skin to Blaine's uncovered hand. So gently, he curled his fingers around Blaine's.

And then he waited.


	6. Chapter 6

"Blaine?" Kurt whispered, trying to control the way his voice wanted to tremble. "Baby? Can you hear me?" He sniffed and went back to rubbing his thumb up and down Blaine's hand.

He really didn't know what else to do. If the nurse was right, Blaine could hear him and he didn't want to scare him with all of the things that were running though his mind:

*He said you're blind. I can't even…. I don't know what to do or think and I just want to make all this go away. God, why did you have to be in that car? You told me you loved me and you'd see me later. Neither of us thought it'd be like this. I don't know what's going to happen now. I need to know you're okay. I don't want to be here when you find out. It's going to kill me. But I know if it were me where you are, I'd want you next to me, telling me it was going to be okay because that's what I'd want to hear even if I knew it wasn't true. I love you, Blaine. I love you so much. I don't care what you look like or if you can't see. I just want you to be okay…*

The warm tears dripped silently from Kurt's cheeks as he kept his eyes on Blaine. He was so tired, but he couldn't sleep. There had to be… what? An hour until he woke up? Less than that? No, he couldn't go to sleep yet.

A soft knock sounded on the door, but Kurt barely registered it. He didn't move or do anything. The knock sounded again. Then his father's gentle voice announcing that he was coming in. The door opened and Kurt did not look up. He kept stroking Blaine's skin and let the tears fall.

He heard a soft gasp. A woman's anguished cry. Kurt lifted his head then, as Blaine's mother came to the opposite side of the bed and hovered over her son, so close to touching him, but like Kurt, afraid to. When Kurt looked back, he saw his father and Blaine's father having a hushed conversation. There were tears in Blaine's father's eyes. Slowly, Kurt got up and moved to the back of the room. Blaine's father went to the side Kurt had just left and very gently held the hand that Kurt had held. Burt wrapped a strong arm around Kurt's shoulders. He let himself sink into that grasp.

"You okay, bud?"

When Kurt looked up, he saw his dad's eyes were glassy. "Yeah."

"They were at a baby shower for one of Melissa's coworkers. Her phone lost reception and he'd left his in the car."

"Oh." Kurt had felt angry when it was only himself and his dad here with Blaine. He was angry at Blaine's parents for not being there when they should have. But now he felt the irritation fade away as he watched Blaine's parents huddle and cry over their son, who showed no sign he even knew they were there. No one should have to see that and he didn't want to imagine what they were feeling.

"Do they know?" Kurt whispered.

Burt's stiff nod said that yes, they did. They knew their son was blind.

"But the nurse said they won't know until he wakes up right? That he might not be completely b-blind. He… he still might…" Kurt trailed off, the thoughts made with the hope in his mind were the only thing he had to hold onto. He may not be totally blind. He might be able to see somewhat. He could have the nerves try to be repaired later in life. But Kurt knew that they were all just little hopes that kept him from completely breaking down right now. They wouldn't know until Blaine woke up. And that seemed like so long away.

Nurse Kelli came in then and stood respectfully off to the side until Mr. and Mrs. Anderson took notice and turned to her with desperate eyes. Kurt wondered if that's what he had looked like earlier. He shrank back a bit. Kelli began to explain in the same soft tone what had happened and what injuries Blaine had arrived at the ER with. Kurt didn't hear most of it because Burt was gently forcing him out the door, closing it softly behind them to give the family privacy for now.

"You look exhausted." Burt noted, eying Kurt with a sideways tilt of his head.

"So do you," Kurt countered.

He chuckled lightly. "Sure you don't want to sleep?"

"I'm sure, dad."

"In that case, I think we both deserve a pick-me-up. Come on. Let's get some coffee or something. I'd settle for eating the coffee grounds themselves."

Kurt felt a smile pull at his lips. His father always seemed to know how to make him feel better. He followed along and they went down a flight of stairs and another and wound through hallways until they found the cafeteria. Armed with two steaming coffees, they made their way back up.

Kurt was halfway done with his drink by the time they stopped outside room 235. He could feel the warmth spreading though his veins and the affects of the caffeine were a welcome sensation. He'd much rather be jittery than fall-on-his-face-exhausted. He realized he must have the same train of thought as his father because they moved to throw away empty cups at almost the same time. Leaning up against the wall, close to the door, Kurt couldn't hear any voices. He figured Kelli must have left and the Andersons were possibly sitting as close as they could get to their son's bed, probably in stunned silence and just holding his hands.

He didn't know how long they waited out there, but after a while, Kelli came rushing back and darted into Blaine's room without a glance at them. Kurt was slightly offended, seeing how nice she'd been earlier, but pushed the thought away when the same doctor they'd seen when they first arrived followed in after her. There was a good ten seconds of silence and then Kelli stuck her head outside, motioning for them to come in.

Kurt almost tripped in his haste and was glad for his father's hands on his shoulders. And his heart skipped a beat at the three words that met him as he walked through the door.

"Blaine's waking up."


	7. Chapter 7

*He's waking up.*

The words bounced around in Kurt's head, not quite wanting to stay still so he could fully process them.

But then it didn't matter because Kurt saw the doctor and nurse on either side of the bed, towards the top, and Mr. and Mrs. Anderson were next to them, hovering as close as they could get. The doctor was speaking in a calm, but strong tone and Mrs. Anderson was crying and speaking softly to her son. Mr. Anderson was holding his hand. Kurt felt the breath still in his lungs, freeze as if he would never breathe again. Blaine was waking up. The fear in the back of his mind that he would never wake up sunk away quickly, to be replaced with the thudding of his heart as he watched Blaine slowly start to move his limbs. Kurt's feet moved in an automatic reaction to be close to him, to let him know he was there and to tell him that he would be alright. But Burt's hand was on his shoulder, reminding him gently that he had to wait.

Kurt sunk backwards with wide eyes and he hadn't realized he was on the verge of tears until he blinked and he felt the warm wetness on his eyelashes. Blaine was awake, but was he okay? Was he in pain? Why wasn't he talking? Then Kurt took calming breaths and forced himself to control his emotions for the time being. He trained his ears and listened to what the doctor was saying, asking Blaine how he felt, if anything hurt. Kurt's eyes never left Blaine's face. Even half covered with the gauze and bruises, Blaine was still beautiful in Kurt's eyes. When Blaine opened his mouth, his reply was a hoarse whisper and Kurt found himself leaning forward until he could hear. Burt didn't stop him, only moved up closer as well, but the weight of his hand on his shoulder was back before Kurt could get too close.

"Mom?" That was the first word Blaine said and he slowly moved his head to the side when she answered and stroked his hand.

"Hi, honey. It's okay. I'm here. Your father's here too. On your right side."

Blaine's head moved over and he wiggled his fingers under his father's grasp.

"Hello, son." Mr. Anderson said breathlessly, fighting the tears.

"Are you in pain at all?" Dr. Levi asked again. Blaine tilted his head up slightly.

"No."

"Do you feel nauseated? Woozy? Weak?"

Blaine took a slow breath. "Yes. All of those."

Dr. Levi nodded. "Kelli, can you get another IV solution and 10mg of Zofran?"

She nodded and disappeared out the door as he continued to explain. "All of that is normal, Blaine. I'm Dr. Levi and we're going to take care of you. You're in the hospital and you came in with head trauma, that's why you have the bandage around your head. You've been sedated for the past few hours to let your brain heal. You might feel sore or weak for a while. Let us know if anything changes from how your feeling right at this moment, whether that be getting better or feeling worse."

Kurt had a feeling Dr. Levi was leaving out the fact that he was now blind because it would make him freak out. He was probably right in doing that; Kurt knew he would if it were him. It was taking everything Kurt had to be quiet and not scream Blaine's name, to at least let him know he was here, that he wasn't alone.

"Do you remember anything that happened?"

Blaine was quiet and Kurt could see the way his lips curved down into a slight frown as he tried to remember and his heart ached.

"I…" He began, but paused and took a breath. "Red. There was a red… something."

Red? What could have been red? Blaine's car was silver. Was the other car that hit him red? Was he remembering getting hit? Or maybe the blood. There had to have been so much blood. Kurt thought he might throw up until the doctor provided an answer that was less traumatic.

"It was probably a light. You were stopped at a stop light when you were hit by another car. Do you remember any of that?"

Kurt could practically feel Blaine's heart skip a beat. He saw his lips mouth the word 'hit' as if he was confused by it. But then his lips parted slightly and he let out a soft sigh.

"Oh my god." He whispered and brought his hand up to cover his mouth. Kurt had no idea what was flashing through Blaine's mind but he felt his muscles ache in the need to hold him so gently and kiss him until he wasn't scared anymore. "I got hit." He repeated slowly and swallowed. "Dalton… I was at Dalton and I was wanting to go… somewhere."

"You were in Lima, Blaine." Dr. Levi provided as he took the new IV bag from Kelli and began to hook it up.

"Lima. Lima." There was a short pause and then, "Oh."

"What is it, Blaine?" His mother asked worriedly, scanning him quickly, as if he was in pain from some injury they hadn't noticed before.

Blaine spoke every word slowly, deliberately, as he pieced together the previous night. "I told Kurt I wanted to study. And he was sad because he wanted us to spend his birthday weekend together, but it was because I was going to surprise him. I wanted to surprise him." He repeated softly.

And Kurt fell to his knees then, his father just catching him before he could hit the ground hard. Kurt had both hands pressed to his mouth to control the wracking sobs that were tearing him apart. His tears spilled over his cheeks and hands until he couldn't see for the watery blur that became his vision. He closed his eyes tightly, his stomach twisting horribly. Blaine had been going to see him. Blaine had been trying to surprise him. It was him. He was the reason Blaine was in that car. He was the reason Blaine was at that specific intersection in Lima, on the way to Kurt's house. He was the reason Blaine lay in that hospital bed, hurt and forever blind. He was. Him.

Kelli was kneeling next to him, rubbing a soothing hand on his back as Burt did the same, and tried to get him to stand so he could be moved to a chair. But Kurt couldn't move. Everything inside him was being painfully squeezed. He pressed his hands harder against his mouth, but some of the aching sobs escaped as he tried hard not to hyperventilate. Blaine sensed the distress in the room and heard the soft cry. His head lifted a few inches off the pillows, where he was seated upright.

"Who is that?" he asked quietly, afraid to know the answer because in his heart, he already knew.

"It's Kurt, honey."

A sigh of pain fell from his lips and he involuntarily reached his hand out, trying to find him in the dark of the bandages around his eyes. "Where is he? I want to see him." Blaine's words were frantic now.

Kelli had gotten Kurt to stand shakily, where he was forcing himself to take in deep gulps of air. If he was going to cry, he might as well not pass out. Because that would not be good.

"He's really shaken up right now. I don't think-"

"I need to see him. Now. I need him."

At the demanding and achingly broken tone of her son's voice, she looked over at Kurt and then to the doctor, who nodded and said, "Just for a little while. We need to assess…" he trailed off and motioned to his own eyes. Not that it mattered. Blaine wasn't listening to them. When given the okay, Kurt had jolted forward as if on a sling shot as Mrs. Anderson moved back to allow him room. Kurt immediately grasped his hand and Blaine gripped it tightly, needing the pressure to know he was real.

"Kurt?" Blaine whispered and Kurt knew that he was crying beneath the bandages. Kurt gently stroked his arm and told him, "I'm here. I'm here, baby." And then Kurt's breath hitched and the tears welled up again. "Oh, god, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. If I hadn't… you wouldn't have gone to see me and… and… Blaine, I'm so sorry." Kurt was crying again and Blaine reached up his other hand to carefully feel his way to Kurt's face. Kurt leaned into him when the hand touched his cheek and his thumb began to gently wipe the tears from his face as he comforted him. "Shh, shh, it's okay. I would have gone anyway. And it doesn't matter. It's just a little bump on the head. I'm fine. It's okay, baby. It's okay."

But it wasn't okay. It was far from okay. Because it wasn't just a 'little bump on the head.' And the way Kurt was utterly silent put Blaine on edge. The hand on his cheek stilled. "Kurt? Kurt, what happened?" The only thing keeping Kurt by Blaine's side was the gentle touch against his skin. Otherwise, he would have been backing away and he probably would have had to throw up.

Blaine turned his head away from Kurt, towards where he had last heard the doctor speak. "What's going on?" he said and his voice was apprehensive and held fear because he knew something was wrong. "Why… why aren't you telling me the truth? What's wrong with me? What happened to me?" The level of his voice was rising and he dropped his hand from Kurt's face. "Tell me!"

Dr. Levi stepped up closer. "We won't know for sure until we can assess the damage, but there was a great deal of trauma to the back of your head, where the ocular nerves are. Those nerves were compressed by the force of the accident and we were unable to restore them. Your eyes themselves are fine, but without being able to receive input from the brain-"

"What does that mean?" Blaine asked, and Kurt had never heard his voice so dark. He knew. Kurt could tell by the way his hand tightened in his during the explanation that Blaine knew what that meant. He knew. But he had to hear it.

"You're blind."

Kurt heard Blaine's sharp intake of breath but that was all he could absorb before the doctor was speaking again.

"There are treatments, surgeries, that may restore the nerves, but at best you'll probably only be able to see fuzzy shapes and colors. There are many trials going on now and we may be able to get a more affective procedure, but unfortunately in your case-"

"I'm permanently blind." Blaine stated and Kurt could feel his heart being ripped in half.

"In a way, yes. But in the future, there-"

"I don't want to hear it." Blaine cut him off. The coldness in Blaine's words cut through him like ice. Blaine was gripping so hard on Kurt's hand, he was leaving marks but Kurt did not say a word.

Dr. Levi seemed to understand that he needed to be left to his thoughts and just said gently, "Okay." When he touched his first two fingers to Blaine's forehead, Blaine jerked back. "I'm going to remove the bandages around your eyes, okay? You'll be more comfortable."

Blaine sat very still as he began to unwind the cloth. His lips were pressed together as the cloth was pulled away. The gauze holding the bandages on the stitches on the back of his head was wrapped around his forehead and only the ones covering his eyes were removed. Blaine had his eyes closed the small muscles gently contracted as he struggled with the automatic need to open his eyes.

"You can open your eyes, Blaine." Dr. Levi told him, but Blaine shook his head.

"No."

"Blaine, I know this is hard to take in right now-"

"Can you all just go away?"

Kurt heard the desperation in that quiet request. He was begging. He needed to be alone. Dr. Levi paused and then nodded. "We'll leave you alone for now, but I'll be back later today. Kelli will bring some lunch for you in a bit."

Blaine nodded, but there was a tenseness in his gesture.

"Blaine, honey?" Mrs. Anderson moved to Kurt's side.

"Please, mom. I just need a minute."

She nodded and then softly added, "Okay," before moving with her husband towards the door.

"We'll be right out here if you need us," Mr. Anderson supplied and Burt voiced his presence as well, reminding Blaine he was here if he needed him. The doctor was the last to leave, squeezing Blaine's shoulder before he too was gone. Kurt looked down at Blaine and tried to slip his hand out of his grasp to leave Blaine alone, but he felt the fingers tighten around his wrist.

"No, don't leave. Please. Please, don't leave."

Kurt immediately turned his body towards Blaine and brought his other hand up to clasp around Blaine's palm. Blaine turned his face upwards, keeping his eyes closed. The bruises were prominent now and Kurt could clearly see the discoloration of his cheekbones, his nose, his swollen lips. He couldn't stop the gasp of helpless hurt. So gently, he brought his hand up to Blaine's cheek, barely touching the skin. Blaine smiled at the feather-light pressure and brought his other hand up to hold Kurt's wrist in place.

"Blaine?" Kurt breathed.

With a soft sigh, he let his momentary smile fall and turned his face towards Kurt again. Taking a deep breath, he licked his lips and then very carefully opened his eyes.

His pupils dilated at the sudden brightness and then shrunk back down to a normal size. The muscles in his eyes moved back and forth, and he blinked a few times, looking left and right and up and down and closed his eyes again for a long breath before opening them again. And then his eyes filled with tears and his face crumpled.

"Kurt," he sighed, the tears making his words hard to hear. "Kurt, I can't see you."

He felt the tears fill his own eyes and just looked down at him. Blaine, so strong, so fearless, everything that made him a better person, the person he loved, was starting up at him with beautiful hazel-green eyes and seeing nothing. Seeing only darkness, when all Blaine had ever done was fill Kurt's world with light.

Blaine reached out his hands and pulled Kurt close, hugging him tightly as Kurt did the same. He didn't want to hurt Blaine, but god he needed to hold him close to him now. He needed to hold him and cry and just be with him.

Blaine couldn't see. But Kurt wasn't going to let him live in a world without light.


	8. Chapter 8

Blaine seemed to have lapsed into what Kurt called 'hibernation.' He'd been released from the hospital four days ago after staying there for five days and the last time Kurt had seen him was when he kissed him on the cheek as he waited in the wheelchair for the nurse to help him up and into his parent's car. Kurt had gone over to see him the next day, wanting to give him some privacy the first day he got back, but he'd been told that Blaine was tired and he should come back tomorrow. So he did. And he'd been met with the same answer every day.

Kurt couldn't help but feel hurt. He wanted to see Blaine so badly, it made him anxious all the time. He couldn't concentrate at school and his attempt at homework was laughable. He just wanted to know if Blaine was alright. It was an obvious answer that no, he wasn't okay, but still, Kurt longed for even one word from him.

When Kurt was turned away again, this time with a different answer than the usual, he felt his heart sink.

"He doesn't want to see anyone, honey. When he wants company, I'm sure he'll call you."

Blaine didn't want to see him. The thought jumped around heavily in his mind as he sat in his car parked in his usual place outside Blaine's house. Kurt didn't mind the hour drive between their houses, but damn it he just wanted one word from him or just to get a glimpse of him to know that he wasn't suffering.

Kurt knew that was true too. This accident had left Blaine with an irreversible change that had halted his life. This wasn't a broken bone that would heal or a cut that would be patched up. He had lost one of his senses, the ability to see, and god, Kurt didn't want to know what he was feeling right now because he was sure it would tear him apart but he didn't want him to have to go through this alone either. Kurt knew that Blaine had been back to the hospital at least twice since he'd been released. Once for some kind of 'now you're blind, here's how to adjust' class and once for therapy. He knew this because he overheard Carole on the phone with who he presumed was Blaine's mother. And he was mad at Carole too. No one was telling him anything. He wasn't a child anymore and it was his boyfriend who needed help right now. Sheltering Kurt wasn't going to fix anything except make him more worried. But he'd avoided confronting Carole because he knew she was only trying to save him the pain it would cause to know that Blaine had to be scheduled for more frequent therapy sessions because he'd shown an extensive need for them.

But that knowledge only strengthened his want, his need, to see Blaine. He sat there in his car, staring up at Blaine's window. The sun was high in the sky on this Sunday afternoon and though Blaine's blinds were drawn away, the window was closed and he couldn't tell if the light was on, or see inside because of the placement of his room on the second story. Kurt's first instinct was to text Blaine, just like he always had when they weren't able to see each other. *Are you okay? I'm really worried about you.* His thumb hovered over the 'send' button and then he sighed and snapped his phone shut when he remembered that Blaine wouldn't be able to read it. Kurt hadn't realized he was so close to breaking down until he leaned forward and rested his head on the steering wheel and sobbed, his hands clutching tightly around his phone.

He didn't know why Blaine was avoiding him. Fear? Anger? According to another eavesdropping session, Kurt had discovered that Blaine, whenever possible, was also closing out his parents. Blaine so obviously wanted to be alone and that was understandable and though Kurt still had tears streaming down his face, the hurt and irritation built up inside of him and he was pressing the 'call' button next to Blaine's name.

The other end of the line rang and rang and rang until it went to voicemail. Kurt snapped his phone shut and opened it again, immediately redialing. Again it rang until voicemail picked up. With a frustrated sob, Kurt called again. He was not going to leave until Blaine answered, even if he had to sit here, repeatedly calling for hours, even if he had to somehow climb Blaine's house to get to his window, even if he had to do something crazy. He would do anything.

But after the seventh call, ring—ring—r—click

"Kurt." The voice sounded tired and exasperated, but Kurt didn't care. Blaine could be yelling at him and Kurt wouldn't care. His heart thudded and he let out a relieved sigh, the tears pouring over his cheeks. "Kurt, please-"

"No. You listen to me." The tears took the sting out of his words but he was so thankful to be hearing Blaine's voice and so angry at him for ignoring him at the same time that he had to fight to keep his voice steady. "I am outside of your house right now and I am coming up to see you. You don't get to say no because I have been coming here every day since you got out and you've been holing yourself up in your room. That's completely understandable, Blaine, but you… you can't even answer my calls or talk to me for two seconds to let me know that you're okay? Do you know how worried I've been? Do you know that I've-" Ready to rant some more, Kurt was surprised when his voice caught in his throat and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Then he realized why. He could hear Blaine's breath, shaky and dangerously uneven on the other end of the line.

Kurt was out of the car in before he could even get himself to speak. He ran to the front door and banged on it until Mrs. Anderson opened it, looking sad and saying, "Honey, he-"

"No," Kurt said, gripping the phone tightly in his hand. "He said I could go up." He held out his phone as evidence and she looked uncertain, but held open the door. "Thank you," he said breathlessly as he brushed past her and bolted up the stairs. Kurt pushed open Blaine's closed door and felt his heart clench at the sight before him.

Blaine was sitting on his knees on the bed, wearing his pajamas and cradling his cell phone in his hands. He was shaking and his face was turned towards the door as if he'd expected Kurt to come barreling in. Kurt dropped his cell phone, not bothering to end the call and stumbled over, putting his knees on the bed and prying Blaine's hands from his own phone as he began to shake harder, the heavy breaths and aching sobs that ripped from his chest making Kurt's own heart ache. He grasped Blaine's cold hands in his own and then reached forward and pulled Blaine into a tight hug. Blaine locked his arms around Kurt and buried his face in Kurt's shoulder, trembling and crying so hard, he was having trouble breathing.

"Blaine. Blaine, oh god, Blaine, shh… shh… It's okay. It's okay. I'm here. You're okay."

It took a long time for Blaine to even begin to calm down. He didn't know how many times Blaine had closed himself off like this and cried, but he knew that it was only now that he was truly breaking down. Blaine's arms were weakly clenching around him and then dropping as he began to run out of tears and strength. Kurt held him tightly, rubbing his back and whispering gently into his ear. When Blaine stopped crying, Kurt just held him and let him bury his face into his shoulder as he took deep breaths. They stayed that way for who knows how long, with Kurt holding Blaine, holding him together it might seem.

Kurt gently stroked his hair as his breathing began to return to normal and he relaxed in Kurt's arms. The taller boy tensed when Blaine pushed back and lifted his head, but he let him go and just held his hands as Blaine sat back and slumped forward, his back curving over and his hair falling over his forehead. Kurt pushed back the curls with his hand and then cupped Blaine's cheek, his eyes taking on a soft, sympathetic look.

"Blaine?" he whispered. "Oh, baby. Blaine, I-"

"No. Don't. Don't say you're sorry, Kurt. You have nothing to be sorry about." Blaine kept his head down and Kurt gently let his hand fall from Blaine's face, where Blaine immediately grasped it in his free hand.

"What are you talking about?"

"In the hospital. I heard you after I said why I was going to Lima. Don't tell me you're sorry. I would have gone anyway, whether it was your birthday or not." Blaine's voice caught in pain and he lifted his head, angry tears threatening to spill over. "What day is it?"

"Sunday."

Blaine bit his lip, letting out a breath from his nose. "I missed your birthday," he said softly, guilt and hurt permeating his words.

"Oh, no."Kurt gripped his hands harder. "No. Blaine, it doesn't matter." And it didn't. Kurt had been too wound up about Blaine to even remember it was his birthday last week. The only reason he'd even thought about it was because Carole had offered to get him a cake if he wanted. He'd refused. "What matters is that you're here and you're safe and I can be here with you."

Blaine suddenly yanked his hands out of Kurt's grip. The tone of his words cut through Kurt like glass. "No. What matters is that now you're stuck with me because you feel guilty and you shouldn't have to."

Kurt felt his brow crease with immediate shock and concern. "What? I'm not 'stuck with you.' Why would you even say that?"

"You're only here because you feel like you should be. You don't need me. You don't need this." Blaine gestured weakly to his face, close to his eyes. "You don't deserve this," he finished quietly.

"Blaine, you mean so much more to me than for one stupid thing to break us apart. We can get through this and I don't care because I love you. Don't you see that-"

"No, Kurt, I don't." He raised his voice and locked his blazing hazel eyes to where Kurt's voice was sounding weakly in front of him. "I'll never see anything ever again. Don't you understand that I'm broken now? Humpty freaking dumpty and all of his men aren't going to be able to put me back together again!"

Kurt winced at Blaine's tone. There was so much fury lashing out, and underneath, Kurt could hear the desperation. Though Blaine was practically yelling, what his words really meant were: help me. Save me. I can't go through this alone and I need to know that you're going to be there for me. I need you.

Blaine was trembling with adrenaline and his red-ringed eyes showed fear. He wondered if every one of Blaine's therapy classes ended this way, and if they did, I was no wonder he was hiding up here away from the world. Kurt brought his hands up to Blaine's face on either side of his jaw. At this action, Blaine's hands that had clenched into fists relaxed slightly and he let out a choked sigh. Kurt leaned over and pressed his forehead to Blaine's. Blaine jerked back a bit at the unexpected touch, but Kurt did not speak. He did not move until he felt their breaths in the same gentle rhythm, the same soft rise and fall. Only then did he lift his head to kiss Blaine's forehead, then his nose, then press gentle kisses to each of Blaine's closed eyelids. Blaine's eyes fluttered open, only to close again when Kurt pressed their lips together. The soft moan that came from Blaine's lips still held a ghost of the pain he'd felt earlier. Kurt slid his hands back to tangle in Blaine's curls as he kissed him harder. Blaine pushed his body forward, leaning into Kurt and kissing him back just as hard. He needed this. He needed to know that Kurt wasn't just going to cast him aside because his life had been so pathetically shattered. If it had been Kurt who'd gone blind, Blaine would have been there for him without a thought, but he hadn't let himself hope that Kurt would do the same, though he should have known better. He should have known that when Kurt said he'd always love him and he'd do anything for him, he meant it.

They pulled away and Kurt wound their hands together. There was silence for a while and then Blaine whispered, "Thank you."

Kurt smiled softly. "Anytime."

Blaine swallowed. He felt bad about lashing out at Kurt because it wasn't his fault, but he just felt so much right now. Anger. Unbearable sadness. Fear. Hopelessness. He didn't want to admit it, didn't want to add more to his list of reasons why Kurt should be running the other way and not be here with him, but he was worried he might be depressed to some degree. The guy in therapy had said it was normal to feel something like that and that being depressed after such a traumatic event was common, but Blaine hadn't said a word to him for the entire hour-long session. He supposed he could bring it up during the next session. He owed it to Kurt to try and get some help because Kurt was trying so hard to help him and he couldn't backtrack just because of his own stubbornness.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked softly and Blaine lifted his head towards the voice, unaware that he'd let his head droop forward.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"It's fine, Blaine. Really. You have every liberty to yell at whoever you want to."

Blaine squeezed his hands around Kurt's. "I still missed your birthday though. I'm going to make it up to you, I promise."

Kurt could hear the smile in Kurt's voice. "How about you make it up to me right now? Let's go get ice cream and you can buy it for me."

Blaine froze as Kurt tugged on his hand.

"What's wrong?" The concern was evident.

"I… I haven't… I mean, I can't…" His eyes flickered over to where his mom said she'd put his cane. He'd tried to use the white cane in class at the hospital and he hadn't been able to do it. He'd almost fallen and that alone scared him to not want to use it. He knew he'd have to eventually but to use it almost seemed like an acceptance. Like he'd accepted that he was blind and he wasn't ready to do that just yet. It didn't feel like he ever would.

"Oh," Kurt's voice was soft and Blaine knew that he'd seen the cane. "Have you tried to use it?"

"Once. At class. I couldn't do it."

"And you haven't tried it since?"

He shook his head.

The soft hopefulness filled Blaine's ears. "Well giving up on something after trying it once isn't going to help anything. I could try to help you, if you want."

Blaine lifted his head. Doubt radiated through every pore and apparently showed on his face.

"We don't have to go outside or even leave your room. Just so you get used to it?"

"Kurt, I… I don't know…"

"I'll be right here with you the whole time."

Blaine licked his lips. Kurt wanted to help. And Blaine supposed it was better than being at the hospital, where he would get chastised about not practicing with it like he was supposed to. "Alright."

Blaine felt Kurt move away and heard the gentle clack as Kurt picked up his cane from where it rested beside his bed. Kurt took his left hand and pressed the cane into his right. Blaine curled his fingers around it.

"Ready?"

Blaine sighed and nodded and Kurt pulled up on his left hand as he stood. Blaine held the cane out in front of him and planted his feet firmly on the ground, as he'd been told to do. He stood there for a moment to gather his bearings and felt Kurt move to his left side, hooking his left arm in his right and holding him close. Blaine swallowed.

"I'll tell you if there's anything in your way, alright? So you can get used to feeling when there's something there. And tell me if you need anything."

Blaine nodded, his heart thumping in anticipation. He didn't feel safe with anyone but Kurt, but this was so scary.

"Go ahead whenever you want," Kurt said gently.

Blaine didn't realize he'd been gripping the cane so hard, but he forced himself to calm down and hold his hand with slightly relaxed fingers. Holding the cane out from his sternum, he slowly swung it in a half-circle before him and took a step. Kurt's hand tightened on his arm as he did so, but it made him feel safer. He took another step. And another. He tensed when Kurt's voice in his ear told him there was a shirt on the ground, but he felt his cane gently tap it, disturbing the his rhythmic arcing back and forth and he paused, considering it and how far it was from where he was standing. On his next step, he moved around it with no problem and after a bit, Kurt seemed to be pulling him towards obstacles and not telling him what they were, the worst one being when Kurt led him straight to the wall. His cane tapped out in front of him and he swung it side to side, trying to find a way around whatever was there. He pushed his cane straight out in front of him and when it stopped at the wall, Blaine kept it there and slowly walked his body up until his cane stood vertical against the object. He pressed his hand out and felt in either direction, then turned back to Kurt.

"You were going to let me run into a wall?"

"Of course not. I would have told you, but you were doing fine. See, you'll thank me later because there are a lot of walls that could pose a threat."

"Oh yeah, because walls are so threatening." Blaine scoffed, but smiled as he turned towards Kurt.

"Wouldn't want to smack into one and knock yourself out or something." Kurt laughed. "'Death by wall.' Yeah, I am so writing something much more entertaining on your tombstone."

"And then I'll haunt you forever." Blaine played along and felt the smile pull at his lips once more. He hadn't smiled in so long, it seemed. And Kurt had been right. This had helped. In the hospital, he felt dazed and disoriented and had had to sit down more than once because he'd gotten so dizzy, trying to walk and feel the world around him without seeing where he was going. But with Kurt, in a familiar environment, he felt okay. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard to adjust to. He knew it would be a long time before he felt comfortable going out on his own or in large crowds, but even this little thing seemed monumental.

They made their way back to the bed and laid together, talking for hours until Mrs. Anderson announced that dinner was ready and Kurt could stay if he wanted to. He thanked her and called his mom to let her know he'd be home later and wouldn't need dinner.

Blaine had been eating all of his meals in his room and when his mom asked him if he wanted her to bring up food for him and Kurt, Kurt saw the determination flash in his eyes and he stood, with Kurt's arm holding their bodies close together and Kurt was so proud of him when he said, "No. We're coming down."


	9. Chapter 9

*A chilling wind blew through the world outside. The music thrummed through his ears and he smiled as he sang along. He was driving a bit slower than usual because the pink box in the back seat had to get there in one piece. He'd picked up the cake a few minutes ago and was very happy with the results. The Chanel fashion show was on tonight and he'd had the cake made in the shape of the Chanel logo and he's planned for the two of them to watch the show while they attacked the cake with forks. He hoped that Kurt would be surprised.

He lightly put on the brakes at the stop light, trying not to jostle the cake too much. There was no one else on the streets but he didn't mind having to wait. He had just reached the chorus in the song that was blasting throughout the car and drummed along on the steering wheel as he sang.

The red stop light blared in his sight like a spotlight. He imagined he was on Broadway, the light shining only on him as he sang for thousands of people.

The squealing of brakes sounded in his ears and he whipped his head to the left. Only enough time to briefly see the blinding white lights before the pain filled every pore on his body. The scream didn't even leave his lungs before he was gasping for air as his head slammed to the side and connected with something hard. Stars pulsed in his vision and dimmed.

And then there was nothing. Only blackness.*

********

Blaine's eyes flicked open. His chest was heaving with shuddering breaths and he felt the sweat run down his forehead. His hands fisted so tightly in the blankets that were strangling his torso and it took more than a few deep breaths for him to be able to relax enough to make his muscles stop clenching the fabric. It was so dark in his room. He must have closed the blinds again.

When he could control his racing heartbeat to calm down from the terror of his nightmare, he blinked again. Then he sat up and rubbed his eyes. What the hell was wrong? He blinked again and again, trying to get his eyes to focus on something. He stared ahead and slightly to the left, where his bedroom door was closed. He willed himself to make the outlines of the white door in his sight. Nothing.

Sighing, he reached over to his bedside table and flicked on the light. It was just a nightmare, nothing to be scared of. He shook his head and blinked again. Maybe the bulb was out on his lamp. He reached his hand up to wipe the cold sweat off his brow and paused mid-raise. His hand was right in front of his face. He wiggled his fingers. He moved his hand up and down. He brought his hand closer until he was touching his nose, then moved it back again. His breath came in shaky exhales as his heart raced. He swallowed hard.

No.

He pushed both of his hands to his eyes, closing them and rubbing his hands back and forth. No. This couldn't be real. It was just a dream. It hadn't happened. This wasn't real. He wasn't blind. He couldn't be. He couldn't.

And then he remembered flashes of things in his mind. Whispered words. A gentle touch on his hand. A cottony thing around his eyes. A throbbing in his head. His mom crying. Kurt almost screaming.

He sucked in a breath and now wiped away the tears that threatened to fall. Okay, this was real. This had happened. He was in a car accident and now he was blind. But Kurt had been there to help him. Kurt had wanted him to do as well as he could. He ran his hands along the bedspread until he found his cane sitting up against the bed. He held it gingerly in his hands, feeling every smooth line and crease.

He set it aside and stood, using his hands again to feel his way to the door and then open it. His eyes were wide open but he saw nothing as he took careful steps outside his room. Go to the left, he commanded of his feet and in his mind, he saw the hallway and told himself to be mindful of the potted plant that stood a few feet from his door on one side of the wall. The hall was narrow enough that he could hold out his arms to the sides and have his elbows be bent and he could still have one hand on either wall. He made sure to stay in the center of the hall, before remembering that his mother had taken all of the random decorations on the walls and sides of the hallway and put them away. The walls were now bare, free of family photos or paintings, so that if he needed to, Blaine could use his hands to guide him along the wall and not knock into anything. He took a wider stance as he walked, knowing that there was nothing in his way and felt along the smooth wall. His left hand came to a small raise and then he felt nothing but air and then the wall again. Open door. Wall, nothing, wall. Another open door. Wall, smooth wood, wall. Closed door. His right hand followed much of this same pattern until he came to the fourth door down. He stopped and turned to his right, feeling his way inside the open bathroom door.

His hand moved to the light switch and he flipped it on in an automatic routine before he closed the door. It wouldn't make any difference whether the light was on or not, but Blaine left it on anyway. And his therapist said that routines were good.

His fingers trailed along the wall towards the toilet. He had to reach out in front of him to feel where it was. Blaine hated this. Not being able to see was one thing, but now he couldn't see where the toilet was and peeing was his most dreaded need. He'd gotten better at it though. It had been a week or so since he'd gotten released from the hospital and those first few days were the worst, when he was so disoriented and so afraid of falling that he'd slept in his parent's bed next to his mom, while his dad took the floor and if he needed to go to the bathroom, his father had had to help him up and practically drag him towards the door because he would be shaking with the fear of walking without seeing anything. He supposed he should have been embarrassed, as any teenager would be, at having to be helped to go to the bathroom or shower because without his sight, he'd felt like he'd lost a part of himself and being helpless was not something Blaine tolerated well. But he would usually be crying while his father guided him to where he needed to go and any embarrassment was lost in favor of letting the tears fall. He'd gotten better though.

He flushed and moved slowly to the opposite side of the room. He tried to do this without having to touch the wall. It was only a few feet. He stepped sideways, his hand stretched to the side to feel the counter.

And then he froze. He had one hand out, reaching at only air, and the other hand reaching back to where he'd left, his fingers grasping at nothing. He had to be in the middle of the bathroom. Continue forward to the sink or go back to the toilet. But he couldn't move. He could barely breathe. He felt the sweat bead on his skin again and the constricting vice that tightened around his lungs. He was shaking, unable to take even a tiny step in either direction.

The tears spilled over and he lowered his arms to feel below him until the cool touch of the tile was under his skin. He sunk to his knees and then laid down on the floor, curling his arms into his chest and pulling his knees up and he pressed a hand to his mouth to stop the inevitable gasping as he cried.

It had been a 'bad day,' as his therapist would put it. He could 'try again tomorrow.' But he didn't know if he wanted to try again. This was too hard. This was too painful. He felt so weak and alone and scared. He wanted to call Kurt. He'd tried practicing dialing his cell phone when Kurt was over, calling his cell phone and having Kurt quickly exit out of the call when he'd hit the wrong button before the wrong person picked up. He'd done it two or three times. But he'd messed up so much more than that amount of times. He wanted to hear Kurt's voice, telling him it was going to be okay.

He fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed, pressing the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Kurt?"

There was a pause and he knew even from that one word that he'd gotten it wrong. "I'm sorry, I don't know that person. Are you sure you have the right—"

Blaine slammed his fingers against the buttons until he finally hit 'end' and the line went dead. He let out a choked sob and let his phone clatter to the floor in front of him as the tears began to pour again.


	10. Chapter 10

There was a plate of food to his right that had gone untouched for quite a while. Blaine was sure it was cold now, whatever it was. Sitting curled up in his blankets on his bed, he pulled the soft fabric tighter around him and closed his eyes.

After he'd broken down last night, he'd stayed on the floor for a very long time until he finally felt able to sit up. Then it had been a tug of war with his own mind. Go back to bed and pretend everything was fine, or stay there and face confrontation. He knew what he wanted to do and what he wanted to avoid, but it was easier said than done. He'd been doing so well and now all of that seemed shattered. He'd had to crawl back to his room because getting any higher than a couple feet off the ground made him unbearably dizzy. It was just like when he'd first gotten home from the hospital. But he'd been able to make it back and no one had seen him, which was good because that would only end in stressing out his mother more and probably more therapy sessions.

He didn't understand what therapy was supposed to be doing for him anyway. He went three times a week now and Dr. Henry asked him the same questions—How are you doing today? Is there anything you want to talk about? Do you feel you've made progress and in what ways? Tell me more about Kurt. He seems like someone you're fond of.—and he got most of the same answers every time. Blaine felt that going was a waste of his time, but he supposed it was better than sitting in his room. Though his therapist had been asking more about Kurt and Blaine didn't mind answering those questions.

Kurt was supposed to come over today after school. Blaine had been given an extended hiatus on all of his schoolwork, because you know, this was 'a lot to get used to.' But he really didn't know what he was going to do. Every day since his accident, he got further and further behind. He was going to have to play some serious catch-up. Or find a computer that could read his mind so he could get all of his assignments written.

There came two soft knocks on his door and Blaine didn't bother to say anything because he knew Kurt would poke his head in and come in anyway.

"Hey," Kurt said brightly as he sound of his shoes clacked along the floor and brought him closer. "Oh my gosh, you do not even understand the horror that is calculus class. I can't believe Mr. Mason gave us a pop quiz. The only points I'm going to get on that is for writing my name!" Kurt laughed and Blaine wanted to laugh along with him, but he suddenly just felt like crying.

Kurt sat next to Blaine in his cocoon of blankets and gently touched his shoulder. His voice was soft and full of concern. "Hey, what's wrong? What's going on?"

Blaine didn't have to answer though because Kurt noticed his distress and pulled him into a tight hug. And those arms that wrapped around him made him feel safe and he hadn't realized how much he needed Kurt's touch until now. Kurt made soothing sounds as he held Blaine close to his chest but didn't ask him to elaborate. He just let him cry.

Then Blaine turned his face towards Kurt's neck and Kurt's slightly cold hand was running gently through the curls at the base of his neck. Kurt's words were worried and he moved his hand to Blaine's forehead.

"Oh baby, are you sick? You feel so warm."

Blaine shook his head, taking a deep breath and inhaled the scent of Kurt. It was comforting. "No. It's these blankets. I've been hiding in them all day."

The way Kurt's muscles tensed showed that he wanted to pull back and speak to Blaine face to face, but he let Blaine stay where he was and said, "Is there a reason?"

"I just… I had a bad night."

Kurt's cool lips were on Blaine's warm forehead. "Do you want to talk about it?"

That would be the exact same question his therapist asked him when he went for his next session tomorrow. But from Kurt's mouth, the question was innocent and Blaine knew that he truly cared and he felt comfortable to share it with him.

"I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere." Blaine muttered, knowing Kurt could hear because of how close his mouth was to his ear at the moment. "I'm trying. I really am. I had a bad dream of… of the accident and when I woke up I… I don't know, forgot I couldn't see. Then I went to the bathroom and I went without my cane and I just stopped in the middle of the room because I was standing there completely in the dark and I couldn't move and I just got so scared. I had to crawl back here. Don't tell anyone though. I don't want more therapy or medicine. I'm trying, Kurt, but it's just not enough."

Kurt's hand moved through Blaine's curls again. "I'm so sorry, Blaine. And I know you are. I know. This is a huge thing to have to live with and no one expects you to be perfectly adjusted in only a week. It's going to take time."

"How much time?" Blaine felt like a child, as though he were asking his parents the dreaded 'are we there yet?'

"I don't know, baby. No one expects you to be perfect though. It's okay to need help and it's okay to ask for it."

"It's hard when you're not here." Blaine admitted, curling his hands together and snuggling up closer to Kurt's chest. "I feel safe when you're here."

Kurt smiled softly. "Then let me help you until you feel safe enough to do things on your own."

"How?"

"Well, I actually brought you something today."

Blaine lifted his head and Kurt gently pushed him away, then he heard the zipper slide apart and a rustling as Kurt dug into his bag.

"Only if you want to, but I picked this up at Dalton yesterday."

Something was placed on Blaine's lap. It wasn't very heavy and when he dug his hands out of their blanket prison, he found it was a hardcover book with tiny dots marked in a line.

"Can you believe they have a whole section about Braille? It's an introductory book so I thought it was good to get started with. And you can actually have all of your textbooks written in Braille."

Blaine ran his hands along the dots again. They were just dots; he had no clue what they meant.

"Didn't someone tell you about Braille? I'm sure they would have given you pamphlets or offered some kind of class or something?"

"They did. I have a book somewhere." A sheepish look appeared on Blaine's face. "I never opened it. I didn't want to."

"Oh. Well, we don't have to if—"

"No, no, it's fine. Just… umm… read it with me?"

Kurt moved closer and touched their shoulders together, reaching out and placing the book between them. "They do have books that are specifically Braille but the majority is Braille and English. I'd love to help you. And it's just like learning another language. Considering how fast you picked up Italian, I'd say you'll be fluent in no time."

Blaine felt a smile on his lips. He had picked up Italian easily. And Kurt was confident in him that he could do this, so he felt it too.

Kurt flipped a few pages and then said, "What was the first thing you learned in Italian?"

"Ciao, mi chiamo Blaine."

Kurt snickered. "No, before that."

"Oh. Umm, the alphabet?"

"Bingo. So this," Kurt guided Blaine's hand over to the page and pressed his index finger down, "is an 'a.' They're all written in boxes and can have up to six dots in a 3X2 shape."

Blaine wiggled his finger on the single dot. "Okay."

Kurt's fingers left his. "Now the next letter is slightly to the right."

He moved his hand over and paused when Kurt said, "Stop."

"'B.'" Blaine said, feeling the two vertically lined dots.

"Good. Next?"

"'C.'" Two horizontally lined dots.

They continued this way until Blaine had become slightly familiar with where the dots were in relation to the 3X2 box he pictured in his mind. He'd always been good at remembering things, like foreign languages, and after an hour or so of moving up and down the chart again and again, he started to see the letters in his head when he felt the raised bumps.

"Tell me what this is." Kurt moved Blaine's hand slowly over different dotted letters.

Two dots. Vertical. "Umm… B?"

"And this?"

Three dots. Vertical. "L."

Single dot. "A."

Two dots, set diagonally towards the right. "I."

Four dots. The top three like the corner of a square and the last one set underneath. "N."

Two dots, set diagonally towards the left. "E."

"There you go." Blaine heard the smile in Kurt's voice. "Not that hard right?"

Blaine looked up at Kurt, his hand still placed on the 'e.' "Thank you," he said sincerely.

Kurt nuzzled his forehead against Blaine's. "All you had to do was ask."

Tilting his chin up, Blaine pecked Kurt lightly on the lips.

"And you know that it's okay to feel what you feel, yeah? I'm always here if you need me."

Blaine sighed. "I tried to call you last night. I pushed the wrong buttons and I just got so frustrated and angry…"

"Oh, Blaine." Kurt stroked his hand down Blaine's cheek. "I wish I would have known. I wish I could have been there for you."

They sat in a comfortable silence until an idea flashed through Kurt's mind. "Can I see your phone?"

Blaine fished it out wordlessly and handed it over. Kurt turned it around in his palm for a moment before getting up and saying, "Hold on a second." He walked over to Blaine's desk, hand twitching lightly as he moved over the random containers filled with markers and pens. Opening a drawer, his eyes raked over a sheet of fuzzy stickers that he'd used to decorate a letter he once sent to Kurt. He selected a sticker and snatched up a pair of scissors, cutting out a rectangle the size of the cell phone buttons. Then he stuck the sticker to the button numbered 1. He punched in a few more buttons and pressed the phone to Blaine's hands.

"I'm really glad you don't have a flip phone or a touch screen. Thank your parents for your outdated phone." He laughed and tapped the outer edge so Blaine would run his hands along the buttons. "The sticker is on the number 1, where I programmed my number for speed dial. So you just have to press the fuzzy button and I'll be right there for your advice needs. If it works, we can always superglue it on. Or I'm sure they have cell phones with Braille on them or something."

Blaine looked up and a smile lit up his face.

Kurt grinned and curled up next to him. "Now that's what I want to see."

Blaine slid the phone in his pocket and reached out his hand to press against Kurt's cheek. He could feel the curve of his cheek that meant that he was smiling. Blaine leaned in and pressed their foreheads together and shifting his body so he sat on his knees. Kurt did not move, though the smile had disappeared and Blaine gently traced the curve of Kurt's lips with his thumb. Then he pushed his hand back through Kurt's soft hair and kissed him. He closed his eyes and felt Kurt's eyelashes brush against his cheek as he did the same. Kurt's hands wound around Blaine's back and pulled him close.

Blaine let Kurt pull their torsos together, but he lifted his head and opened his eyes. He could picture Kurt in his mind and when he was touching him, the mental image became clearer. Of course he knew what Kurt looked like, but he wanted so badly to see what he looked like at this moment. He leaned in and kissed him again harder and brought his other hand up to hold Kurt's face in his grasp as he scooted closer on his knees.

Kurt slid one of his hands down behind him and gently lowered himself down onto his back and Blaine followed, his knee on one side of Kurt's thigh and the other between Kurt's legs. Blaine's heart sped up and he knew Kurt's was too because of the way he was breathing. Between kisses, Blaine ran his hand up and down Kurt's side. Blaine could feel Kurt's body heat through his clothes and the way his hands grasped at his hips and Blaine felt that he could truly see Kurt now because all of his heightened sensations formed the one thing in his mind that he could not see himself. He could smell Kurt's cologne and a hint of the shampoo he'd used. He could feel Kurt's warm breath on his lips and the heat of his smooth skin. He could taste peppermint and he knew that Kurt had been sucking on one of those white and red candies he liked so much. Blaine had gotten him a bunch of them for his birthday and hid them in small bags all around his room. And Kurt was kissing him back just as deeply, lifting his head up and tangling one of his hands in Blaine's hair.

It was instinct, need, when Blaine pressed his hips down and he let out a soft groan when Kurt's hips lifted to meet his.

"Blaine," Kurt murmured against his parted lips, "Blaine, we can't… n-not now."

Blaine lifted his head, confusion and slight hurt on his face.

Kurt's voice was lightly breathless and full of regret. "I want to. Trust me, I do. But if we start now, we won't be able to stop and I have to get home."

"Oh," was Blaine's soft reply. He scrambled off of Kurt and sat back against the headboard, keeping his eyes down.

He heard Kurt shift on the bed as he sat up. His voice was close when he spoke. "I'm sorry, Blaine. I really am." He leaned over and kissed Blaine's forehead. "I'm surprised Carole hasn't called. I didn't know it was that late. I'll see you again tomorrow and don't forget to call me if you need anything, okay?"

Blaine nodded, trying to smile. "Thanks for helping me."

"Anytime. I love you."

"Love you too."

The soft click sounded as his door shut. Blaine let out a long breath, the bitter feelings of hurt and embarrassment surging through him. Call me if you need anything. Couldn't Kurt see that Blaine needed him now? He was half hard and aching to feel something because all he'd felt lately was depression and so much sadness. But when Kurt was here, he felt happy. And now all of the happiness seemed to drain out of him as Kurt left.

He knew he shouldn't feel this way, that Kurt was the only thing that made him feel his life was worth living, but he did. He groaned and slid down in his bed, pulling a pillow up over his face to hide him from his world.


	11. Chapter 11

Kurt had been feeling uneasy all day. He tried to ignore it at first and contributed it to the fact that it was Friday and it was usual to be a bit restless before the weekend. But this just felt different. He replayed the conversation he'd had with Blaine yesterday countless times in his head. He was in the middle of English when he realized what it was that made him so anxious.

It was Blaine. Blaine's head had been down when he'd answered that he was fine and when he'd lifted his head there had been a smile on his face. But the smile had been too cheery, Kurt had realized that the moment he saw it. He didn't think that he needed to think anything of it. But as he watched the Blaine in his mind as he saw their conversation for the millionth time, his eyes moved upward, away from Blaine's smile and to his eyes. Though Blaine could not see, there were still so many expressions and thoughts that he conveyed with his eyes. And Kurt wanted to drop his head into his hands and groan for not noticing it earlier. There had been disappointment in Blaine's eyes. Kurt had known he felt that way because he could hear it in his voice, but there had been something else too. Hurt. Need. How did he not see those other emotions that blazed so clearly within the eyes of the Blaine in his mind? He was sure that that was what the real Blaine had felt too. It wasn't that Kurt didn't want to do those things with Blaine. He wanted to. He had a reason he didn't want to now but the more he said it in his mind, the stupider it sounded.

The rest of the day took so long to drag by. He didn't even stop at his house after school, normal for a Friday afternoon. He'd called his dad as he was walking to his car to let him know that he was going to be home later than usual and he'd driven straight to Blaine's house. He just hoped that Blaine would forgive him.

As he knocked on the door, his heart was thumping in anticipation. So many thoughts clouded his mind of what he should say. I'm sorry for being a jerk. I'm sorry for not seeing what was so plainly written in your eyes. I'm sorry for not listening.

Those thoughts plagued him as he took the stairs two at a time, as he walked down the hallway, as he stopped in front of Blaine's closed door. And in a flash, they all were silenced when he knocked. He listened hard for Blaine's answer. He knew he was early and now that he was here, he was mentally kicking himself for not calling before coming over. It was quiet on the other side of the door. Blaine knew it was him. He was the only person who ever knocked twice. Kurt's heart was pounding in his chest. He rested his forehead on the cool door and sighed, closing his eyes.

"Come in." The voice was quiet, unsure, but it was good enough for Kurt. His eyes flew open and he had to force himself to open the door calmly and not just barge in like he felt so much energy to do. Blaine was at his desk today. Kurt was surprised and his heart gave a little squeeze to see that he had the book of Braille open in front of him.

"Hey," Kurt said softly, moving to the left side of the desk, but putting plenty of space between them.

"You're early."

"I know. I… This couldn't wait. I could barely wait for school to end." He sighed. "Blaine, I… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Blaine did not turn his head, but stopped running his hands over the book.

"I should have known. I should have seen that you needed me to stay, but I didn't and I'm an asshole and I'm sorry."

Blaine's voice was quiet, and he still did not look at Kurt. "How could you not see? You're the one with eyes that freaking work and you still couldn't see that I needed you? That I was hurting and I just needed you with me and you just left?"

It felt like there was a vice around Kurt's heart. He took a step forward and sunk to his knees beside Blaine's chair, placing his hands on the armrest. "Blaine, you mean so much to me. I would never intentionally hurt you and I'm sorry that I did. But there's a reason I didn't want to do that with you then. I do, but not now."

"Then why?"

"It's been less than two weeks since your accident. It's going to take time before you can start feeling like yourself again. And don't tell me you feel fine because you haven't left the house since you've been back. You need time to heal and time to get adjusted to this and we're both hurting right now because I hurt for you and I just want you to be okay. I want us to be completely comfortable with each other and in our own bodies before we have sex. I love you and I want to be able to give you all of my love and all of me when you are absolutely accepting of yourself and all that you have to give, even without your sight. I want to give you all of me but I want to wait until we're both ready."

Blaine was silent for a while and then slowly turned his head. Kurt's hands tightened on the armrest and he stared straight into Blaine's eyes.

"I'm a terrible person," Blaine said quietly.

Kurt shifted. "No, no, you're not."

"I am. I thought you didn't want me because I'm blind when all you were trying to do was protect me and you love me with so much that I don't deserve."

Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine, who sunk into Kurt's grasp. "You're just in a bad place right now and that's completely understandable. But it will get better. I promise you that."

They were both silent for a long while, just holding each other and Kurt finally let Blaine go, kissing him gently on the cheek, knowing that they would be okay. "So you've been studying I see?"

"Yeah." A soft smile lit Blaine's face. "I think I'm getting the hang of it."

"Hey, umm… I wanted to ask you if you've sang at all since you've been home?"

There was a crease that appeared between Blaine's eyebrows. "No. I haven't felt like singing."

"It might make you feel better. Singing always helped us before."

"I don't even know what to sing."

"Could I sing for you?" The perfect song had just drifted across Kurt's mind and he wanted to sing it for Blaine so badly.

Blaine swiveled his body around in the chair. "Yeah. If you want to." He stood and picked up his cane that had been resting on the side of the desk. Kurt stood back and watched, ready to intervene if he needed help, but he smiled as Blaine made it to his bed without any problems. It was only a short distance, but Kurt was so proud of him. He was trying. He wasn't giving up, no matter how much he thought he wanted to.

When Blaine was seated, Kurt curled up next to him. He took a couple breaths and warmed up his voice a bit and took one of Blaine's hands in his own. He stared right into Blaine's eyes as he sang, and Blaine was staring back, his hazel eyes full of life and wonder.

*I'll be your candle on the water  
My love for you will always burn*

He reached his other hand up to gently stroke Blaine's cheek.

*I know you're lost and drifting  
But the clouds are lifting  
Don't give up you have somewhere to turn*

A small smile pulled at Blaine's lips and he leaned into Kurt's touch.

*I'll be your candle on the water  
'Till every wave is warm and bright  
My soul is there beside you  
Let this candle guide you  
Soon you'll see a golden stream of light*

Blaine reached his other hand along the bed and grasped Kurt's hand in both of his own. Kurt moved his right hand up from Blaine's cheek and pushed his curls back, then down his neck and to their clasped hands between them.

*A cold and friendless tide has found you  
Don't let the stormy darkness pull you down  
I'll paint a ray of hope around you  
Circling in the air  
Lighted by a prayer*

Blaine's smile filled his face and a matching grin was on Kurt's lips too. He pressed their foreheads together and Blaine closed his eyes, listening to every shifting note and sound that rose from Kurt's lungs.

*I'll be your candle on the water*

Kurt separated their hands and pulled one of Blaine's palms up to his chest, where he rested it close against his heart.

*This flame inside of me will grow  
Keep holding on you'll make it  
Here's my hand so take it*

Blaine squeezed his other hand tightly.

*Look for me reaching out to show  
As sure as rivers flow  
I'll never let you go  
I'll never let you go  
I'll never let you go...*

Kurt's voice faded away on the still air in the room, but Blaine could still hear the notes ringing in his ears, feel the way Kurt was so close to him, and he couldn't remember why he'd ever wanted anything but to have Kurt near him. That was enough. That was more than enough.

"I love you." Blaine whispered.

"I love you too."

When they finally pulled away, all the tension that was in the room before seemed to have popped like a balloon.

"And I understand if you don't want to, but I was thinking that maybe you could spend the weekend at my house? I love you but you're starting to turn into a hermit and I think that it would help to get away from here."

Kurt sensed the hesitation in Blaine's words. "I don't know…"

"I'll be right there with you. It'll be okay."

Blaine pondered this for a moment. "Yeah. That sounds good."

A smile lit up Kurt's face. "Excellent. I'll just call my dad and let him know. Is there anything you want for dinner?"

Again, Blaine thought while Kurt pulled out his cell phone and waited. "My mom has been giving me every kind of finger food on the planet since I've been home. I've only tried plastic knives and forks and spoons at therapy but maybe we could have something that I could try utensils with?"

He sounded slightly sheepish at the request that seemed so simple, yet Kurt knew was a huge step forward.

"Of course. Steak it is." Kurt laughed. "I know it's your favorite. So I'll call my dad and then we can start packing okay?"

Blaine smiled. "Thank you."

He hadn't felt this happy, this excited, or this alive in what seemed like forever. Kurt loved him and Kurt was there for him and he hadn't realized how much he needed to remember that until now.


	12. Chapter 12

"We're so glad you're here, Blaine," Carole said warmly as she placed a basket of rolls on the table next to the salad.

"Thank you, Carole. It's actually nice to be out of the house, or my room for that matter." Blaine's voice was quiet, gentler than he would have been before the accident. Kurt sensed he was self-conscious. He'd practically glued himself to Kurt's arm when he was led into the house. Kurt didn't think anything of it and they went slowly, Kurt guiding Blaine with words and gentle pulls in the right direction. Blaine was using his cane, but even though he'd been in Kurt's house a million times before, it was a completely different territory now. Blaine compared it to seeing the houses on a street in the daylight and again at night. Completely different. And slightly foreboding and scary. Kurt knew Blaine's situation wasn't the same as just hiding the sun for a bit, but he could see how they could be related.

Carole had chatted to the two of them sitting in the living room as she bustled about making the ceasar salad and broccoli for dinner, while Burt was barbequing the steaks, probably explaining to Finn how to perfectly cook them. Carole and Burt treated Blaine exactly the same way that they would have had nothing happened and Kurt was thankful for that. He expected that Blaine was too, though he still kept to himself more than before. Finn was a bit more cautious, but after an icy glare from Kurt, he tried to include Blaine in the conversation just as much as he normally would have.

Kurt found Blaine's hand under the table and stroked his thumb gently along Blaine's palm. Warm fingers tightened around his own and Blaine tilted his head slightly towards Kurt. The movement would have been missed by an outsider, but Kurt knew that this was Blaine's way of telling him he knew what he was trying to say and that he was listening. Kurt had learned to read Blaine's body language pretty well and he smiled when he saw the minute tilt of the head.

Kurt had informed his parents what Blaine wanted to try and that he was going to help him in any way that he could, but that Blaine was still nervous and could they please let them be if needed? He was glad to notice that his message seemed to have been relayed to Finn because when Kurt asked Blaine if he wanted a roll and nudged Blaine's forearm with the basket to tell him where it was, Finn gave nothing but a small glance in their direction. Blaine's hand reached up to the basket, where he grasped the first roll to touch his finger, then with his other hand touching the rim of the plate in front of him, he lowered the bread down until his hand hit the plate with a gentle clink against the porcelain.

In this simple action, he smiled and Kurt lightly kissed his temple and passed the basket to Finn. Blaine asked Kurt if he could put salad and broccoli on his plate, which he did. Their time spent on the couch was productive in that Kurt had been studying how to make simple things easier for someone who was blind and he relayed these ideas to Blaine. And he'd agreed with most of them, not even realizing that there were options for things he'd never had to think about before. Like now, for instance. Kurt scooped salad on his plate, murmuring softly that it was placed at ten o'clock as if his plate were a clock face. The broccoli, at three, his bread at noon and the steak that Burt had just placed on everyone's plates, at six. His glass of water was at ten, napkin at three with the fork set closest to him, with the knife following that on the right.

As Kurt expected, Blaine reached slowly towards noon and picked up his roll, picking off pieces and eating that first. Conversation hummed gently around the table and Kurt and Blaine both chipped in, though Kurt's eyes kept slipping to the side to see if Blaine had finished his roll. After a bit, Blaine began to walk his fingers towards his fork and grasped it in his hand. Kurt watched gently as Blaine asked him to repeat where the broccoli was and steered his fork like a target towards three o'clock. As instructed in therapy, Blaine also brought his left hand with him to touch the top of the food, then line up his fork with his hand to feel where he was, then press the fork down. He pushed the fork all the way down until he heard the soft clink of metal against the plate and slowly picked it up, waiting to feel if he'd gotten what he'd been aiming for and if it would fall off. When the broccoli stayed where it was supposed to, he carefully manuvured his fork towards his mouth and took the whole thing into his mouth. At Kurt's request (and Carole's foresight), she'd picked out the big pieces of the vegetable for them, leaving the smaller bite-sized pieces for Blaine to practice using utensils with and not choke.

Kurt rubbed his hand lightly on the closest part of Blaine's thigh and again, Blaine smiled, but this time turned his head to look at Kurt with his grin as if to say I did it. Kurt felt a sort of pride well up inside him. Blaine was learning quickly and doing well and it was almost like watching a child learn and grow. Every accomplishment was a celebration, even if it was just a simple touch or grin between the two of them.

Blaine easily took the longest to eat, but no one seemed to mind. Finn left when he was done to finish a project that was, of course, due in the morning, but Burt and Carole took their plates to the sink and then joined them for a conversation that came easily. Blaine spoke more and seemed less uncomfortable. The salad was another 'easy' food, though it did get a bit more complicated because of the thinness of the lettuce compared to the broccoli and he handled his water just fine. And Kurt laughed as he called the croutons the 'challenge round' because "it takes a special art to get a crouton on a fork and not break it, with or without seeing it." Kurt felt the nerves in his body become hyperactive when Blaine carefully reached for his knife. And Blaine felt it too because now, he hesitated. Kurt touched his thigh again and Blaine pressed his fork down first, then his knife next to it. Sensing his anxiety, Kurt began to softly guide him with spoken directions. Burt and Carole turned the conversation between each other, though Kurt knew they were keeping an eye on Blaine just due to the fact that he now had a steak knife in his hand. Kurt was glad that they didn't leave because if he did need more help than Kurt could offer, it was nice to know that they were readily available.

It took a good five minutes for Blaine to very slowly, and very shakily if Kurt was being truthful, to cut the first piece of his food. Burt had thoughtfully cut off all of the fat so that was one less obstacle Blaine had to avoid. Blaine's head was turned down as if he tried hard enough, he could will his meat to just cut itself, but Kurt knew he was just concentrating. The other indicator of his concentration was the tiny bit of pink tongue sticking out to the side of his mouth. His longest curls hung forward around his face. It was easier after he'd cut the first piece, with Kurt again guiding him if he needed it.

Dinner for Blaine had taken at least three times longer than it would have before, but when his plate was clean except for the things he was too full to eat, Kurt's 'proud mama' composure broke and he kissed Blaine's cheek and hugged him. Blaine blushed and hugged him back, but by the size of his smile, Kurt knew he was proud of himself too, as he should be.

After dinner, Kurt handed Blaine his backpack, which he slung over his shoulder, and Kurt took Blaine's other bag before heading upstairs to his room. This too was a learning process, but Blaine had wanted to try on his own before getting spoken help from Kurt. Kurt walked up the stairs backwards, a few steps ahead of Blaine to watch him and be ready to help if he did need to or Blaine asked. Blaine placed one hand on the railing and kept his body close to the rail. He moved his feet up close to the stairs, then lifted one foot up, pressing his foot as far as he could go until his toes touched the other stair. His other foot followed, again moving up onto the same step as his other foot before he took the next step. Halfway up, he felt comfortable enough to take the steps one step at a time and slowly brought his foot up and planting it firmly before lifting his other foot. Kurt warned him when he was two steps away from the top and he met Kurt with a grin when he'd completed the self-titled 'Kurt's house- Phase 2: The Stairs.'

Kurt felt his heart jump excitedly and he raced along to his room, eager to begin 'Phase 3: The Hallway.' He leaned against the doorjamb of his room and, at Blaine's request, stayed silent. He said because he knew Kurt's house so well, this part would be easy. Kurt was still a bit weary, but Blaine had been doing so well and he knew that Blaine wanted to do this on his own. Blaine started slowly, running the very tips of his fingers along the wall towards Kurt's room. Then he moved faster until he was up to a normal walking pace and silently counted the number of doors in his head. As he came closer, Kurt backed up to allow him room through. Blaine turned as his fingers touched the outline of Kurt's door and he immediately grinned and plowed through, excited as Kurt was that he'd done this without directions. Unfortunately for the both of them, Blaine's enthusiasm was short-lived because the door wasn't fully open and when Blaine practically ran through, he ran face first into the door.

Kurt's hand flew to his mouth and he gasped, one foot already in front of him to open the door further, but he'd realized his mistake too late. The resonating clang of his boyfriend's head hitting the door was met with a shout.

"Fuck!" Blaine groaned and then slowly pushed open the door with his extended arm. When Blaine came fully into view, Kurt saw he held his head in his other hand and Kurt ran up to him.

"Oh, Blaine, oh god, I'm sorry." He ran his hands along Blaine's face, gently removing Blaine's palm and carefully inspecting his forehead. Blaine put the hand that had been on his head against the wall closest to him to steady him as he tried to get the world to stop spinning. And that was worse because unlike with someone who can see, closing his eyes didn't help the situation. All there would ever be was darkness.

"Why didn't you tell me the door wasn't all the way open?" Blaine moaned, wincing as Kurt softly prodded where his head had made contact with the door.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't realize until it was too late. I'm sorry." Kurt's eyes searched his face and he was ready with a thousand more apologies on his lips, but Blaine just sighed.

"It's okay."

"Are you sure?" Kurt asked worriedly. "I could get ice or something…"

"Kurt, it's fine." He felt his way down to Kurt's hand and laced their fingers together. "Just… let me sit down okay?"

"Yeah, of course." He shut the door and then quickly, but carefully led Blaine to his bed after taking the backpack from him and placing it on the side of the bed and gently pushed him down. Blaine sighed, running his hand over the tender spot on his forehead.

"This isn't going to bruise is it?"

He moved his hand and Kurt looked again. The spot was red, but hopefully it wouldn't bruise. "I don't think so. It's red, but I don't think it will. If it does, it won't be much. Are you sure you don't want ice?"

Blaine lifted his head and carefully wiggled his eyebrows. "I can think of something else that will make it better."

Kurt felt the tightness of worry release as he laughed and leaned forward to press a barely-there kiss on Blaine's forehead.

When Kurt pulled away, he saw Blaine's eyes were closed and he was breathing gently. As Kurt moved back, Blaine brought his hands up to hold Kurt's face in his palms. "Kiss me, Kurt," he whispered and it was a gentle command, one Kurt was all too willing to grant.

He slid his arms around Blaine's waist and leaned forward, capturing Blaine's lips in a soft kiss. Blaine closed the circle of his arms around Kurt's shoulders and pressed forward, deepening their touch. Kurt sighed into the open-mouthed kiss, not realizing how much he'd missed this. He'd missed the touch, the feel, of Blaine and he knew that Blaine missed this too. Blaine held him tighter, the need to be close almost crushing, but Kurt just kissed him deeper, letting his tongue slide along Blaine's. Blaine sighed just as Kurt had and gently sucked the soft skin of Kurt's bottom lip into his mouth. Kurt fanned out his hands along Blaine's back and Blaine moved his hands too, though they met their destination on Kurt's hips.

"Kurt," Blaine whispered against his boyfriend's flushed cheek.

"Not yet," Kurt whispered just as softly into Blaine's ear because he knew what Blaine meant.

Blaine groaned. "You're going to be the death of me."

"You're doing so much better and I'm so proud of you, but we can't yet. Not yet."

Blaine was quiet, though his chest heaved in soft gasps he couldn't control when Kurt began kissing along his neck down to his collarbone. "We… we can do… other things. I-if you want."

Kurt's lips paused mid-kiss. He lifted his head, his hair brushing on Blaine's chin as he did so. "Other things… Hmmm…." He smiled as he mock-thought. "I don't know. What would these 'other things' entail?"

A soft smile lit Blaine's face and he fell back onto the bed, pulling Kurt with him. Kurt went, with a small squeak of surprise, and his body was pulled up closer, his pelvis seeming to fit perfectly with Blaine's. Blaine's hands held his hips securely and without warning, rolled his hips up, causing Kurt to gasp and his eyes to flutter closed.

"O-oh. Well, I… I think 'other things' are perfectly acceptable." He breathed, already craving to have Blaine's hips on his again.

Blaine snickered, but then his face turned serious. "Only if you want to. Don't say yes just to make me happy."

"Blaine," Kurt sighed a bit breathlessly, his pants already uncomfortably tight, "when have I ever not voiced my opinion with you?"

"Point taken," Blaine smiled gently and closed his eyes when Kurt pushed back a curl behind his ear. Kurt leaned down to kiss him again and he felt the flush fill his body and run all over as the spark of excitement and nervousness shot across his body. But Blaine held him securely in a way that made him feel safe and the tenderness that filled his unseeing eyes made him wonder how he could ever fall more in love with him. Or how Blaine had ever even thought that Kurt would not want him.

Blaine had had so much taken from him in a very short time. And Kurt wanted him to get whatever he could back that he had lost. He paused and gently rolled off of Blaine, pulling him up and onto him, switching their positions and giving Blaine control over this, knowing he would stop whenever Kurt asked him to without question.

Well, there was one thing he still wanted to have control over. He stared up into Blaine's loving eyes, knowing that the love was reflected deep in his own. He brushed the back of his hand along Blaine's cheek.

"Kiss me, Blaine," he whispered.


	13. Chapter 13

The weekend at Kurt's house seemed to have instilled a new sense of hope and life within Blaine. He still wasn't ready to go back to school, but he opened the blinds and let the warmth of the sun stream in through his room, he ate with a knife and fork (very slowly, but it was a start) with his family, he even had Kurt come over and organize his clothes in specific areas of his closet so he could begin to pick out his own outfits again. The first attempt at that was not something Kurt was going to forget for a long time. Two weeks ago, Blaine had opened his bedroom door wearing purple pants, a brown belt and a yellow collared shirt, which would have been fine, had he not also put on a lopsidedly-tied red bowtie and a green cardigan. Kurt had had to hide his laugh and he'd reminded Blaine that the green clothes were on the far left.

"I thought those were the brown…" he'd muttered, but Kurt had kissed him and rearranged his clothes into more specific color piles. Blaine had dressed himself, which was a big accomplishment in itself, but what Kurt took as the most 'moving forward' steps was the fact that Blaine had not gotten upset when he'd chosen wrong. He was learning to live with being blind, instead of getting angry over how much it hindered him. Kurt had taken him out for ice cream after that. He'd chosen a place with few people because Blaine was still nervous about public places, but he'd done just fine. He'd even been willing to go to the park and just lay on the grass for a bit and listen to all that there was to hear.

Kurt knew, from watching Blaine, that he was beginning to adapt and treating his blindness as a part of him. In addition to the obvious change, there had been many other subtle differences that Blaine adapted in the weeks following his accident. He was relying so much more on his other senses, that they seemed to be hyperaware of everything to make up for what he couldn't see. He touched a lot more, but it was always a gentle brush of Kurt's arm or running his hand along the tree trunk he leaned against or turning his cell phone over in his hands. Kurt swore his hearing improved by leaps and bounds. They would have the most whispered conversations and Blaine was able to hear not only Kurt's voice, but little sounds that Kurt overlooked, like the wind blowing through the open window or the gentle creak of the house at night. Kurt swore Blaine could tell what he was thinking just based on hearing the way his breath rose and fell in his chest.

"Are you sure they didn't give you superpowers in that hospital?" Kurt had joked with him one night.

"Depends. Am I super?" Blaine had grinned back. "Can I fly?"

And when they kissed, it was slow and sweet and Kurt wondered if Blaine was committing every part of him to memory. Blaine was gentle, his touches barely-there, but they sent electric jolts through Kurt's skin and he wondered if Blaine felt the same on those days when Kurt would walk his hands all over Blaine's body, if only just to feel the rise and fall of his chest.

**********

Blaine had been spending more time at Kurt's house and they went outside more often, but Blaine called one day and asked Kurt if he could come over. He'd been in the middle of baking and there was flour everywhere and Finn kept sneaking in to steal chocolate chips, but he'd promised to be there as soon as he could.

An hour later with a tray full of chocolate chip cookies (he'd left at plate back home for Finn), he was knocking on Blaine's front door. He'd wished Mrs. Anderson a good afternoon and offered her a cookie before turning for the stairs, but she'd shooed him into the living room. Confused, he saw Blaine sitting at the piano.

"Hey," Kurt said softly, every nerve on edge. There was no way that Blaine hadn't heard him come in and for him to not acknowledge that fact was odd. Blaine turned his head slowly and scooted over.

"Come sit," he said and Kurt did so, placing the plate on the table before settling down next to Blaine.

"I smell cookies," he turned his head and raised his eyebrows.

"That would be because there is a plate of them on your table. I told you I was baking. I would have been over sooner, but Finn kept stealing my ingredients." He laughed lightly, but there was still an edge to his laugh.

But Blaine smiled and turned back to face the piano keys. "Remember when you asked me if I'd sung since the accident and I said I didn't want to and you sang for me?"

Kurt nodded, then added slowly, "Yes."

"I still don't know if I feel like singing, but I've been feeling so much better lately." And that was true. His therapy sessions had been cut back because he'd been doing well and not ending every session of being utterly silent or crying. "I've been thinking for a little while, and I just didn't do it before because I was terrified of messing up, like if I couldn't play music, I wouldn't have anything to live for. I know it sounds extreme, but music was—is – my life and without it, I thought I might slowly go crazy. But I've been here all morning and…" He trailed off and lifted his right hand to the keys, using his fingers to feel along where the C note was. He let his fingers rest atop the keys, sat up a bit straighter, and gently moved his hands up and down the C scale, then the D scale, then E, continuing through all of them until the last note of the G scale rang out through the room.

Kurt felt the happiness rise up in his chest. This one thing meant so much to Blaine and to him too and he sat there silently while Blaine repeated the scales with his left hand, then paused at the end and turned his head towards Kurt, his hazel eyes bright and shining. "And I know where all the notes are and I played before without really looking at them, I just kind of let my hands do what they wanted you know? And I think I might be able to play again."

Kurt was starting to worry his face might crack because of how big he was smiling, but he just gathered Blaine in a hug and told him, "Of course you will, Blaine. You are going to play again. Take however long you need, but you will. I know you will."

Blaine hugged him back just as tightly, closing his eyes and letting the smile fill his face too. Kurt let him go, but kept his body turned towards him as much as possible on the piano bench. Blaine's entire face was lit up with joy and even in just hearing that Kurt believed in him, though he knew it was true without words, meant so much. "Thank you, Kurt." Blaine let his hands stray over the keys again, chewing his lip in thought. The music suddenly stopped and Blaine looked up at him. "I wouldn't have done any of this if it weren't for you. You… you taught me that life was still there, still this beautiful and whole and real thing and even though I couldn't see it, I shouldn't stop looking." He said softly. "You're the reason I'm not in my room right now, just sitting there and feeling sorry for myself."

Kurt brought his hand up to gently cup Blaine's cheek. "No, Blaine," he whispered so softly, "I may be part of the reason, but you are the person who wanted to still see the world. There was, still is I might add, a fierceness in your eyes and anyone who comes into contact with you knows that you will do anything you put your mind to. And I was terrified for a long time. I didn't know what was going to happen to you or if you'd have to leave, but from the moment I saw your eyes, I knew that you would be okay. That we would be okay. It just took a little bit to get there."


	14. Chapter 14

It was a good two months before Blaine found the inner strength to try and go back to school. Kurt knew it was a very hard decision to make. They'd been studying together and thankfully they'd been in a majority of the same classes together, which meant that Kurt was at Blaine's house every day.

It was a Thursday and that meant that Kurt showed up with two coffees from the Lima Bean in his hands as a 'we can make it to Friday' pick-me-up. They spread out their work between them and talked about what was due. Blaine was getting emails from the school that Kurt would read to him and he'd been having a private tutor come in during the day to catch him up on what he'd missed. And he'd missed a lot. He knew he was most likely going to have to repeat his senior year, but Kurt was adamant that he could catch up if he put his mind to it and graduate on time with his class. And Blaine was determined to do so. But it was very hard.

He spent six hours a day with his tutor, combing through what he'd missed and trying to catch him up as quickly as possible, while still learning the material. It was a difficult thing in itself and he found himself listening to his required English texts on audio book, sometimes running his hands over the Braille versions of the books as he listened to not only understand the content of the book, but hopefully get Braille down as well. Thankfully, Braille was considered a foreign language at Dalton so he'd been able to drop his Spanish class and replace it with Braille.

After his tutor left, he'd be given homework then he had about an hour before Kurt arrived and Kurt would start on his own homework and help Blaine on his if he needed it because he'd already studied it. All of his tests were given online and he'd have Kurt read aloud the questions and he'd answer and have Kurt type them in or click the small button to highlight his answer. The same process was done for his English essays. Kurt would type for him or he'd type them himself if he had time at night and have Kurt read over them to catch mistakes. If Blaine thought Dalton was difficult before, it was nothing compared to how it was now.

The only class he'd not been able to get transferred over to his homeschooling was his choir class, but he was steadily catching up and he hoped that his credits from junior year would be enough to make up for it. He wanted to graduate on time. He wanted it so badly, he found himself dreaming of calculus equations and rhetorical analysis diagrams, wishing that he didn't need to go to sleep so he could do more work, finish one more assignment.

Kurt knew how much effort he'd been putting in. And he was so close. He had B's in all of his classes so far, except for the forcibly dropped choir class, and that was enough to make him believe that he might actually be able to do this. He'd had straight A's for the three previous years and though he'd been hoping to keep that up senior year, now he was just concentrating on one thing: graduation and what it took to get there. Blaine had devoted his entire schedule to school work. He no longer tried to play the piano though Kurt knew he wanted to so badly. And he was exhausted at the end of every week. Saturdays, Kurt would go over and practically force him to sleep. He'd sit on Blaine's bed with Blaine's head in his lap and lightly stroke his hair and his cheek and gently trace the bags under his eyes with a soft shake of his head until he breathed deeply and slept. Part of Kurt just wanted Blaine to take it easy, maybe wait and graduate next year. There was nothing wrong with that and no one would look down on him for it, he'd told him repeatedly but Blaine had made up his mind and there was nothing that was going to stop him. Except the need for sleep, which Kurt made sure he got on Saturdays, but Sundays were study days.

However, on this Thursday afternoon, after downing their coffees and actually managing to finish homework before dinner, Blaine was seated on his bed (their usual study place, among other things) with Kurt's arms around him. They had been quietly talking for the past hour or so with Kurt running his hand through Blaine's hair every now and then and Blaine tracing small patterns on Kurt's knee.

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking and…"

"Always a dangerous thing to do," Kurt said seriously and gently tugged on Blaine's curls. Blaine made a face and squeezed Kurt's thigh.

"I'm trying to be serious here!"

"So was I," Kurt responded with a laugh in his voice. "Kidding, kidding. Yes, go on. I'm all yours. Tell me your thoughts."

"You sound like my therapist." Blaine groaned and covered his face with one hand.

Kurt pried Blaine's fingers away from his eyes and kissed his knuckles. "I hope your therapist doesn't tell you he's yours. I think I'd be slightly offended. That's my line."

"I'll be sure to tell him that," Blaine grinned. "Do I detect a little jealousy? If Dr. Henry's wheezing voice isn't a dead giveaway, I'd say that he's totally handsome. I've heard he's very easy on the eyes. Stooping back, snow-white hair, wrinkles galore and wire-rimmed glasses. Oh yes, you have a lot of catching up to do if you want to win my affections."

Kurt snickered and gave Blaine's hair another pull. "I fear I may never be as handsome as he, oh one with the glasses and ache in his knee. My one love has fallen, oh what shall I do, when my lover and he are the ones who are true?"

Blaine let Kurt tilt his head back by his hair and he adopted a solemn look and wiped away an invisible tear. "That was beautif-"

Kurt had captured Blaine's lips in a kiss before he finished the last syllable. Blaine wasn't ready and didn't know it was coming and he sucked in air in surprise. Kurt was left gasping and turned his head to cough. "What was that for?" He said, still a bit surprised himself.

Blaine was gasping too. "Give a guy a little warning would you? Your spontaneity is refreshing, but maybe give me a hug or something. It's not like I can see you coming!"

Kurt sighed and wrapped his arms around Blaine, pressing their noses together. "Not one of our best kisses," he whispered lightly.

"Let's agree to never to that again." Blaine smiled. "I really don't want to end up with your gum in my mouth. Or your tonsils."

"Had them taken out when I was twelve. So no worries there. And I'm not chewing gum right now."

"Oh, well in that case…" Blaine tilted his head and pressed his dry lips against Kurt's.

Kurt immediately forgot their previous not-kiss. Blaine had a way of making him become enveloped within everything about him and all he could feel, taste, smell was Blaine. Their lips moved together as though they were made to fit that way and they kissed lazily, feeling no need to rush this moment. Kurt inhaled through his nose and Blaine smiled against his lips. They broke apart when the need for air was too great and rested their foreheads close together. After a while of just being, a sudden thought snapped into Kurt's head.

"Oh!" he gasped and lifted his head. "You were going to tell me something."

A crease appeared in Blaine's forehead, then his eyes brightened. "Oh yeah. Well, I was thinking—"

"Always a dangerous thing to do," Kurt interrupted, the laughter evident in his tone.

Blaine lightly smacked the side of Kurt's head. "Let's not go through that again! Who's the one talking here?"

"Sorry," Kurt smiled. "You have my undivided attention."

"Good. So, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, for the second time I might add, I was going to tell you that I think I want to try to go back to Dalton."

Kurt's eyes lit up and his hands tightened on Blaine's arms. "Really?"

"Yeah. I really miss everyone and I just think that since, you know, I've been doing a lot better and I just want to go back, I think I should. Well, I should try at least. On Monday."

"I think that sounds like a great idea."

"I'll have to talk to the school though if I actually want to go back to classes and if there's any way they can accommodate. I mean, I'm sure they'll have no trouble with me bringing my laptop and I can always record what the teacher is saying play it back later. But I wanted to start out smaller and I thought I could just go to Warblers rehearsal? Technically I'm still a Warbler so I don't think Wes will get too pissed that I'm interrupting the one time a day he gets to command everyone." Blaine's eyes were alight with hope and want and he was talking quickly in his excitement.

"That sounds even better. Do you want me to tell them tomorrow to expect you? Or I can get you in early on Monday and you can hide behind the curtains and then make a grand entrance and maybe get David to scream. Wes has been trying to scare him all year and nothing's working." Kurt grinned. "David expects it, so Wes never has the upper hand."

"I want to surprise them and as fun as it sounds getting David to scream like his little sister, I think I'd like to go the old-fashioned way and just show up. With you with me, of course."

Kurt kissed his cheek. "Absolutely. Although, you know how hard it's going to be for me to keep quiet about this all day tomorrow and Monday?"

"I do." Blaine brushed Kurt's cheek with the back of his hand, then lightly tapped his nose. "But I know you won't say anything."

"And what makes you think I can keep such a secret?"

"Because if you don't, I won't take you to New York on our honeymoon."

Kurt felt the blush spread across his cheeks and he looked down even though he knew Blaine could not see. Apparently Blaine either felt the heat from his face or felt that the silence went on for a beat too long because he said in a manner only slightly joking, "Would you rather go somewhere else? I hear Italy is quite nice."

Kurt swallowed. Leave it to Blaine to randomly throw in a comment about marriage. They hadn't talked about it at all. Though it seemed that Blaine had at least been thinking about it.

"Then I suppose I'll just have to keep my mouth shut," Kurt said quietly and moved his thumb methodically against Blaine's wrist.

And in the constantly shifting thoughts that filled the curly head of Blaine Anderson, he lifted Kurt's wrist to his mouth and placed a small, closed-mouth kiss against the pale skin before challenging Kurt to a debate about what they should do this weekend.

**********

Monday rolled around quickly luckily for Kurt. They'd gone to the park again on Saturday and Sunday was spent helping Kurt try out a new pie recipe and curling up under blankets on Kurt's bed while they watched Disney movies. Blaine had insisted on watching The Little Mermaid and The Lion King, though he knew he could not see them. He'd reasoned that he'd seen them before and practically knew them word for word anyway, but Kurt didn't need a reason to curl his arms around Blaine while he laid with his head on Kurt's chest and his eyes gently closed as he listened to Kurt's heartbeat and the thrum of the movie while the scenes ran across his mind. Kurt wanted to keep Sunday in his mind forever because it was one of his favorite days spent with Blaine so far, but he was glad that the weekend went by quickly because he wasn't sure if he could take spending another day at Dalton without letting it slip that Blaine would be coming.

After his last class, Kurt had bolted to his car and drove the short distance to Blaine's house to pick him up. He wore purple sunglasses today, with a black t-shirt and yellow pants. Kurt jumped out to open the door for him. He was so happy to see that Blaine had a light smile on his face and he walked with his back straight and his cane held out in front of him. He'd been using it a lot more and was used to it on smooth sidewalks. Rocky areas were more challenging and he wasn't quite ready to attempt those but he liked to think that he'd mastered the sidewalk.

The ride to Dalton was pretty quiet and Kurt left Blaine to his thoughts. He knew he must be excited and nervous and probably had all kinds of emotions coursing in his veins. Most of the parking lot was mostly empty now that classes were over and Kurt pulled up in a spot that was close to the choir room. He turned off the engine and looked over at Blaine.

"Ready?" he asked brightly.

Blaine let out a slow breath. "Yeah."

Kurt hopped out and walked quickly to Blaine's side and gave him a hand to steady him when he got out of the car. The asphalt shifted under his feet, worn down from years of cars driving here. The sensation was new and unwelcome. A slight frown appeared on Blaine's face and he gripped his cane tighter, slamming the car door shut behind him. Kurt kept his hand in Blaine's.

There were still a bunch of the students who lived on campus in the dorms who milled about and Kurt could see groups bunched off in the quad or criss-crossing in pairs as they made their way to their own destinations. He felt Blaine stiffen next to him. There were students too that were bolting across the parking lot for their parent's cars or their own and a few brushed close to where Kurt and Blaine were standing. A horn honked somewhere close by and Blaine jumped.

Kurt tightened his grip on Blaine's hand and pulled him forward. Blaine swallowed hard and went, his heart feeling like it was thrumming in his throat. Once they were out of the parking lot and on solid concrete, Kurt turned, running his hands up and down Blaine's arms in an attempt to be soothing. "Are you alright?"

Blaine could hear the laughter, the chatter, the yells and hollers, even the footsteps all around them. He could hear the birds chirping as they rested presumably on the trees in the quad. He tried to focus on Kurt's hands on his arms and tried to conjure up a vision of Kurt's face and the way his gorgeous blue eyes would show concern. He heard the crunching of asphalt and the slight catch in the brakes as a car turned in the lot. Blaine closed his eyes behind his dark sunglasses. He could hear people start to notice him, sense the way their conversations turned and the palpable shift in the air. He could practically hear their intakes of breath and the whispered words about the Blaine Anderson that they thought was never coming back to school after his accident. Of course the whole school knew. Blaine was a well-known member of Dalton and it was no secret that Kurt was his boyfriend and how suspicious it seemed when Kurt and Blaine suddenly disappeared for a week. And then Kurt came back, looking paler and more stressed that usual. He was quieter too. But no Blaine. Oh, people had asked. But the only ones Kurt had told directly were the Warblers. Blaine's teachers knew and perhaps had just said he was going to be taking time off in order to quell the rumors. But rumors spread anyway.

Blaine felt the beads of sweat start to form on his forehead and his hand was starting to tingle from where it was gripped so tightly around the handle of his cane. He almost dropped it. It felt like the cane was burning his hand because it was the one identifier that he had changed. If he'd shown up to Dalton exactly the way he was now, but without the cane, no one would be the wiser. But the white cane was a dead giveaway. Everyone knew what it meant. And he wasn't sure now if he wanted everyone to know. He'd thought he'd be able to just have a close moment with the Warblers, his friends, and build up to being able to be out in public and not care what others thought or said. But enough people had seen him now the whole school would know the truth in the morning.

He bit his lip, not realizing that there were burning tears in his eyes until Kurt placed a cold hand on his flushed cheek and the tears spilled over silently.

Kurt was quiet, stroking the closest tears away with his thumb and then he asked almost inaudibly, "Blaine?"

Kurt still had one hand on Blaine's upper arm, stilled in his need to comfort and now paused in worry. He could feel Blaine tremble beneath his touch.

"I… I don't think I'm ready for this, Kurt."

The way he said it showed all too clearly how ashamed and terrified he felt. It broke Kurt's heart. "No, it's okay. It's fine. Let's just go back, okay?"

He gently pulled Blaine close to him and began to lead him back the short distance to his car. Blaine let out a long exhale once the car door had closed behind him and he dropped his head into his hands. Kurt did not start the car, but turned to face him and rub a hand on his back. "I'm sorry," Blaine whispered the moment Kurt touched him. Kurt's eyes softened.

"Hey," he said gently and was not phased when Blaine did not lift his head. "Don't ever be sorry. It's a difficult thing to do. But I'm proud of you for even wanting to try. And you did. You tried. The first time is always the hardest."

Blaine wanted to make some kind of witty remark at Kurt's last sentence, but he sighed into his hands instead and slowly straightened up. "I thought I could do this," he said softly.

"You can. I know you can and you know it too. You can try again, when you're ready. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, but you will do this." Kurt told him sincerely and placed his hand on top of Blaine's before leaning over and pressing his forehead to the side of Blaine's head. "And I'd like to add that you look fabulous in those sunglasses," he whispered and kissed Blaine's cheek.

A ghost of a smile appeared on Blaine's face. Kurt started the car.

"Just tell me whenever you want to try again and we can." Kurt said and when Blaine agreed, it was the last time that Kurt brought it up. He wanted Blaine to want to try again because he wanted to, not because he felt obligated to. Blaine was quiet most of the ride back, but Kurt was able to get him to smile and by the time Mrs. Anderson called that dinner was ready, no longer needing to ask Kurt if he was staying, Blaine had returned back to the laughing, adorable person he was earlier.

Seeing him slip between the charismatic, bubbly person and the terrified, trembling person reminiscent of an abused puppy made Kurt's heart ache. He knew there was bound to be some set-backs, but seeing as how well Blaine was beginning to adjust, he had hoped that a bad experience wouldn't come until Blaine was more confident and it wouldn't phase him as much.

Kurt spent the night, reassuring Carole that they would be sleeping in separate beds and it was only because Blaine was having a bad day. And it did start out that way, with them in separate beds. But sometime during the night, Kurt had slipped into Blaine's dark room and crawled in beside him, holding him tightly to his chest as he slept and feeling the warmth and comfort envelope him and hoping that Blaine felt it too.


	15. Chapter 15

It was another few weeks before Blaine was ready to try and go to Dalton again. Unfortunately, there wasn't a more direct path to the choir room from a different parking lot, but when Blaine told him that he wanted to try again, Kurt waited a good twenty minutes before suggesting they get out of the car. Most of the crowds that hung around the quad after classes were thinning and there were no longer kids rushing to the lot. Less people were good. Kurt knew there was never going to be a time that Dalton would be at the level of emptiness Blaine would be comfortable with, save for at night, but then they would miss the Warblers entirely.

Kurt lightly touched Blaine's hand. "You okay?"

Blaine's face was turned towards the sun and the barest of breezes picked up through the slightly open window. Though he could not see it, he could feel the warmth on his face and he imagined what the Dalton quad looked like now. One hand rested on the door handle and the other hand drummed nervously on his thigh. At the hesitant weight of Kurt's hand on his own, the drumming ceased. He let out a slow breath and turned his hand palm side up, where Kurt steadily drew little circles onto his skin.

It had become their little ritual. It was silly and there was probably no one who understood it except for them. Circles were never-ending. They were still and though you could constantly trace them, there were no sharp corners or hanging edges. A circle was solid and for Blaine, he felt calm when he thought of the peace of a smooth circle. He knew now that he could not change this life he'd been given, but that didn't mean that his tracing of his circle of life had to end.

He lightly curled his fingers around Kurt's.

Sometimes he needed someone else to remind him that he was strong enough to keep his life on track. "Rituals are good, Blaine. They'll help you make sense of the world around you." As he felt the warm fingers of Kurt in his hand, he felt that he finally understood what his therapist was trying to say. When he felt that Kurt was with him, he felt safe in this unsteady world. He felt that when he wobbled, Kurt would be there to keep him upright. And if ever they were apart, Blaine could picture the never-ending circles in his mind or if he were stressed or feeling out of control, he could trace the patterns into whatever was nearest (usually his thigh if his hands were by his side) and he would feel calmer, more confident in himself that he was able to handle the situation. Because this was his life after all and his to do with as he pleased.

He turned his head, looking down and then up and knew Kurt would be staring into his eyes, patiently waiting for confirmation, either that they would be getting out of the car or that they would go home and try another day.

Blaine knew this was a change. This exact moment. Yes or no would shape his future. Yes, and he could send the wheels shifting, put one foot in front of the other and start to change his life. No, and he would go back into what he had been drifting to, into what was hurting him, draining him of all he cared about. Saying no and then finding the courage later to say yes would only be harder. Because every time he imagined Kurt turning the car away from Dalton, he knew he would feel the throb of shame and defeat in his heart and it would only be harder to keep moving forward.

He gave Kurt's hand a firm squeeze. "I'm ready."

The pressure of Kurt's hand was gone for only a moment, followed by the sharp clang as his car door closed, then the whoosh as the passenger door was opened and Kurt's hand found his again. Blaine squeezed back, his other hand holding his white-tipped cane in a relaxed stance as he stood beside his boyfriend. The purple sunglasses hid his eyes from the few people around them and Blaine felt slightly less self-conscious with them on. His normal jeans were comfortable and his orange cardigan buttoned to his ribcage over his white and grey striped t-shirt was an outfit he felt good in. And not just because Kurt had told him so. Being in his casual clothes that fit like a gentle hug made him less anxious. He'd been out of the blazer for months and he didn't know how it would feel to be back to the cleanly pressed neatness of his old outfit. He'd gone today without gel in his hair and he felt free, the way his loose curls fell around his forehead with no confinement whatsoever. He felt like an entirely new person, especially being on campus as he was now, where he would stick out even more. But he was okay with that. This was a new day, a new chance. A new start.

The smile creased the corners of his eyes and Kurt rubbed his hand up and down Blaine's arm, the sensation of the circles he'd been drawing in Blaine's palm fading. He let Kurt gently start to pull him forward, murmuring little directions as they came to a curb, then the wide sidewalk. Blaine swung the cane out in front of him and it really was no different than when he'd practiced with Kurt in his room. Except there was natural warmth here. There was the breeze that played with his hair and the cool air that filled his lungs and the gentle chirp of birds overhead and the buzz of chatter around them.

He'd missed being outside.

He could smell the grass, freshly mown to keep it, like everything at Dalton, in pristine condition. And right now he really just wanted to lay down on the greenery and tuck his hands up under his head and just be. But there were more important things to take care of first.

It wasn't nearly as bad as he thought it would be, walking to the choir room. Sure, he could hear the lull in the conversations that meant he was being stared at, but when the muscles in his arm clenched, Kurt's hand went right back to the automatic circles and his anxiousness was soothed. He could do this. He would be okay.

He smiled.

**********

Kurt paused once more as they reached the shade under the overhang above the choir room entrance. They could hear the steady thrum of music from inside, while voices rose to meet the sound. Blaine swallowed and stood up straighter. He nodded to Kurt, whose unsure eyes at once brightened.

He heard the creak of the handle as Kurt grasped it, heard the door squeaking lightly as it was pushed forward, felt the blast of cold air rush through the opening to dissipate into the warmth of outside. He hesitated only a moment and then allowed himself to be pulled along after Kurt.

Two sets of shoes moved almost soundlessly on the shining floors. They would usually be making some kind of noise in their dress shoes and for once it was a relief to not be able to be heard. Blaine's worn navy converse sneakers had never seen this hallway and he felt a bit rebellious, given his current attire. The hum of voices grew louder as they neared the last door. This time, he reached out and placed his hand on the left handle, while Kurt's clasped the right. Kurt gave his shoulder a gentle nudge and quietly counted to three.

********

Wes was having a particularly annoying type of day. Nothing was going right. He stared up at the Warblers in front of him. He knew they were doing their best. Losing Blaine had not been an easy thing to adjust to. Not only did they lose his voice, but now they were at an uneven number, which did terrible things to the choreography. Every single one of them knew what had happened to Blaine and how he'd been so hurt and angry and hadn't wanted to see anyone at all since his accident, though they'd all tried to visit him at one point or another. Wes kept telling himself to give it time. But time was not what he needed right now. He needed a hell of a lot of patience and that was wearing very thin at the moment. He also wouldn't say no to something with a lot of caffeine.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "Again," he said, wincing internally as he heard the defeated tone of his voice. His hand brushed against his cell phone in his pocket. He'd heard nothing from Kurt since fourth period. No one knew where he'd gone. Josh and Nick were with Kurt in his last class, but they'd been talking and hadn't noticed Kurt leave right as the bell rang. In the forefront of his mind, Wes knew he had to have gone to Blaine. But as to the reason why, well, it wasn't something they could control. If Blaine had gotten hurt again or something else had happened, they had to just stay calm and let Kurt tell them. But Kurt hadn't been returning his many calls. And for now, they had to practice.

Wes closed his eyes and let the sounds wash over him. Nick was taking lead vocals and he sounded great, but maybe Wes was just being too picky. Maybe the stress of not knowing for sure if Blaine and now Kurt were okay was getting to him. He could feel a headache lodge between his eyes. Great.

His eyes snapped open at the sudden loss of sound. He froze, his mind briefly flashing in panic that he'd gone deaf for some unworldly reason. The faces of the Warblers showed various stages of shock, pity, and straight disbelief.

Wes groaned. "What?" he snapped and immediately whirled around to see what had so quickly caught the attention of his classmates. He was used to seeing the Dalton blazer so his eyes didn't even notice the thin boy standing by the door. What he did notice was a bright orange cardigan and purple sunglasses. His eyes narrowed and he spoke in a harsh tone when his headache throbbed. "What the hell are you doing here? This is a closed rehearsal! You can't—"

He'd started to take long strides to quite literally show this intruder the door, but then his eyes focused on the white cane in his hand and a soft voice behind him breathed, "Wes." He froze, his gaze raking up and down. It was then that he saw the boy beside the slightly shorter one who'd burst in on rehearsal. He saw the way the pale hand grasped the limp palm of the other boy and the way the bright blue eyes me this.

"Oh my god," he whispered, unaware that he had let the words fall from his lips.

He was dressed completely unlike anyone had ever seen, his hair was different, and the sunglasses were a new addition, but it was Blaine. The room was utterly silent.

Blaine gave a weak smile. "Nice to see you too, Wes."

Wes still felt like he was watching this scene unfold from above. He didn't feel connected to his body, but all at once, he was slammed back into the here and now. Blaine was here. Blaine was blind, but Blaine was here. He was at least okay enough for that.

Wes found himself again taking long strides forward, but for an entirely different purpose than before. He barely noticed when the rest of the Warblers followed behind him, crowding in a circle around Blaine, all trying to get close but leave him room. Blaine smiled a bit bigger, feeling their presence around him. Wes reached out his hand and rested it on Blaine's shoulder. Blaine's smile faded, moving into something more emotional as he pressed his hand against Wes's.

"I've missed you." Blaine's mouth twitched in an effort to keep calm. "All of you." His neck twisted in an effort to convey that emotion to everyone around him.

Wes was the first to clasp him in a tight hug and Blaine found himself enveloped by many pairs of arms. He hugged each person back just as tightly as the last, not knowing how much he had truly needed this.

Rehearsal was canceled without any type of formal declaration or even a few words. Everyone ended up sitting on the many chairs throughout the room or standing or sitting in wherever was most comfortable. They all talked excitedly to each other or to Blaine, but surprisingly, it was Nick whose voice spoke up louder above the rest, silencing the hum.

"Are you okay?"

Every eye in the room looked to Blaine and he took a short breath before nodding and confirming this with a short answer. That question seemed to be the one that everyone wanted to know the answer to and once they were convinced that he was truly okay, they conducted the rest of the allotted time for rehearsal-turned-Q and A the same way they conducted every meeting, simply for the sake of efficiency. Every Warbler had a chance to ask a question and Blaine answered every one as honestly as he could. These were his friends and any trace of fear he'd felt earlier was long gone. Even as he told about his accident and everything that he had to change now, he no longer felt anxious or worried about being judged. Every face in the room belonged to someone he could trust and feel support from. They asked questions because they were curious, they listened because they cared, and they offered advice and laughter and joy and everything Blaine hadn't realized was missing in his life because they were his friends.

Blaine almost felt stupid for not doing this earlier. He'd been so worried about what they, and everyone else who saw him, would think that he'd closed himself off and that had been hurting him worse than what anyone could say or think. He answered the many questions with animated gestures and a smile or a soft, sincere look if what he was saying called for it. And when the rehearsal time ended and ran over, he still had so much more to say and recount. But those, he had plenty of time to tell because he planned on coming back to rehearsals. As a former Warbler, he knew that they couldn't afford to waste time on stories when they needed to be rehearsing, especially with today lost.

However, he was perfectly fine spending the upcoming rehearsals sitting in the choir room and listening to the voices rising and filling the room, offering comments with ways to make it better to his hypersensitive ears. He did sing with them when he knew the words. And he always knew the words.

Being blind was not a hindrance in the force it seemed it was before. He knew he was still going to have to overcome a lot, but gaining strength from the sheer presence of his friends was enough to fill his heart with relief. Being blind did not mean that he had to stop doing things he loved and he did not have to be defined by his blindness. This was the monumental stepping stone on his hope that he could be okay again and go through his days without fear. This was where it started.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took out some of the song lyrics cause we all know this song without the lyrics even being there but this is also the version by Boyce Avenue and some of the words are changed in that version so they're not wrong (highly suggest listening to that if you haven't heard that one before).

"I want to show you something." Kurt said, pulling on Blaine's hand.

Blaine laughed, shifting on his bed. "I'm sure I'd love to see it." He stood up and put his hands on his hips, surveying the room. "Ah, Mr. Hummel, what a lovely scene. My, the roses look absolutely stunning. You must tell me your secret."

"Very funny." Kurt grinned and pecked him on the cheek. "I've been wanting to do this for a while."

Blaine raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

Kurt snickered. "Get your curly head out of the gutter. It's downstairs. Your parents aren't home right?"

"Right," Blaine said slowly, eyebrows pulling down in confusion. Then he gasped. "Oh my god, you got me a puppy didn't you? So I can love him and hold him and kiss him and—"

"What am I for?" Kurt lightly smacked his arm.

"You're here so I don't fall off a cliff."

"Yeah, because Lima is so full of cliffs."

It was Kurt's turn to raise his eyebrows as Blaine stuck out his tongue. "Do you want your present or not?"

Blaine's tongue shot back inside his mouth so quickly, Kurt was surprised he didn't choke. "Lead the way," he grinned and gestured to the door. Kurt snickered again and grabbed his hand. Blaine was perfectly able to navigate the house by himself now even without his cane, but Kurt still liked the way Blaine's hand fit in his own. At first, Blaine had batted his hand away, wanting to be able to walk on his own without feeling like he needed support. But now, Blaine took his hand eagerly, knowing that Kurt held his hand simply because he wanted to.

They made their way down the stairs and out into the living room. Kurt guided Blaine over and lightly pushed on his shoulders to make him sit. Blaine felt the familiar stiff bench under his butt and immediately moved his hands out. The ding of the key he pressed echoed.

"Why are we at the piano? This isn't a puppy." His eyes widened in mock horror. "Oh my god you put him inside the piano. Don't worry Bradshaw! I'm coming for you! I'll get you out!"

Kurt laughed, running his hand along Blaine's arm, who automatically stopped fake-screaming and grinned at him. "Really though, why are we at the piano?"

"Because I have something to share with you and I need your help."

"So I'm getting a present, but I have to work for it? Doesn't seem very fair."

"Only because I can't play piano like you can. And I know you've been practicing. Don't try to lie."

Blaine smiled. "You know me so well."

"I should hope so. Now, I want you to really listen to this song, okay?"

Blaine nodded, suddenly serious. "Okay. What do you want me to play?"

"Teenage Dream."

Blaine raised his eyebrows at the same time he brought his hands to the keys as if to say 'really?'

"Yes, really. But slow it down a lot. Like this." He hummed the first line in the pace he wanted. "Can you do that?"

Blaine snorted in mock offense. "Can I do that? Please. I was born to play you songs on the piano while you sing to me." He sat up straighter, the position of a piano player, his hands poised and ready. He lifted his chin and glanced sideways at Kurt, a small smile on his face.

Kurt took a few deep breaths and ran through a scale to warm up his voice. "I'm ready."

Blaine nodded and began to play. The notes chimed through the room in a steady beat, just the way Kurt imagined. He smiled as he watched Blaine's hands, then took a short breath before he sang.

*I think you're pretty without any make up on  
I think you're funny when you tell the punch line wrong  
I knew you got me when you let your walls come down, down*

It was only the first few lines, but god, Kurt's voice sounded magnificent. He'd heard the original of this song and the Warblers cover at practice long ago so many times, but oh wow he'd never heard it like this. Blaine had to remind himself that he was playing the piano and forced his fingers to keep moving instead of just sitting there and listening to Kurt's gorgeous voice.

*Let's just talk all through the night  
There's no need to rush  
We can dance until we die  
You and I  
We'll be young forever*

Blaine heard the smile in Kurt's voice and if his hands weren't occupied at the moment, he would be holding Kurt so tightly against him, just to feel him close. The simple change in lyrics and the tempo of the song completely changed what this song meant. Blaine could feel the tears well up in his eyes and he blinked as he played, listening to the soft words.

*You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream  
The way you turn me on  
I can't sleep, let's run away and don't ever look back  
Don't ever look back*

Kurt placed his hand on Blaine's upper thigh, wanting to be close to him in some way right now, but unable to place his chin on his shoulder or his hand in his hair like he wanted for fear of disturbing Blaine's beautiful playing. He sang gently, eyes moving between Blaine's strong hands and up to his face just to watch the way his expression changed throughout the song.

*When you're around me, life's like a movie scene  
I wasn't happy until you were with me  
I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece  
I'm complete*

*Let's just talk all through the night  
There's no need to rush  
We can dance until we die  
You and I  
We'll be young forever*

This part of the song was entirely true for Kurt. He truly did feel sometimes like Blaine was too good to be real, like he'd wake up and he would be gone, a figment of his imagination. Blaine came into his life and just made everything clearer and he felt that he really did find the other piece of him that he hadn't known was missing. Blaine was always there for him and he'd been so strong with everything that had happened and he inspired Kurt to not give up.

*You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream  
The way you turn me on  
I can't sleep  
Let's run away and don't ever look back,  
Don't ever look back*

Kurt let his voice ring out clearly and when he looked at Blaine's face, he knew that Blaine felt exactly what Kurt had wanted him to feel. There were tears steadily streaming down his face as he played, his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth as he looked down at the keys. Kurt knew there were tears in his eyes too.

*You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream  
The way you turn me on  
I can't sleep, let's run away and don't ever look back,  
Don't ever look back*

*My heart stops when you look at me  
Just one touch now baby I believe  
This is real  
So take a chance and don't ever look back,  
Don't ever…*

Kurt leaned up close to Blaine, singing the final lines in his ear so gently, so softly. Blaine's finger slowed on the piano keys and he leaned his head sideways to where Kurt now pressed his forehead to Blaine's temple.

*I will get your heart racing if that's what you need  
In this teenage dream tonight  
Let you rest your head on me if that's what you need  
In this teenage dream tonight*

Kurt's voice faded, as did the last note that Blaine played and they waited until the ringing stopped. Blaine swallowed and turned his face towards Kurt. He took a low breath. "Kurt… that was beautiful. That was amazing. You're amazing. Thank you."

Kurt smiled and kissed his cheek. "You mean so much to me, Blaine. I honestly don't know where I would be without you and I want you to know that no matter what happens, I will be here for you. Always. And I'm so proud of you that you've been able to keep your head up despite everything that happened and you…" his voice caught and he took a breath to compose himself. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm so glad it was you I stopped on those stairs."

Blaine was silent for a bit, letting Kurt's words wash over him. He took Kurt's hands in his own. He smiled, remembering the first time they'd met. "I really have no words. I'm honestly speechless right now. I don't think I've ever been speechless," he smiled again, but it trembled into an emotional lip-pursing. "I love you with all of my heart and everything that I am and I swear, one day, when we're both ready, I'm going to marry you. I don't care what it takes, I will do anything to be with you forever and always."

Kurt felt his heart squeeze. But it was a good constricting. He swallowed hard against the lump that had formed in his throat. Blaine wanted to marry him. Kurt knew he wasn't ready for that yet, but that didn't mean that it didn't mean the world to him to know Blaine's intentions.

They could both feel the shift in the air, the way things seemed different now. Having that out in the open, knowing that they both had the same want, made something change. Kurt brought his hand up to the base of Blaine's neck, bringing their foreheads close together and closing his eyes. "When we're both ready," he breathed, "I would be proud to marry you and have you as my husband."

He could feel Blaine's smile radiating close to his cheek. Blaine's arms wound around his back. Kurt took a deep breath, something else clicking into place. Something else he wanted to share so badly with Blaine. He knew that he was ready. He knew that Blaine was ready too, but to say the words would make it real. He felt safe with Blaine. There was no one else in the world he trusted more with his heart.

"Blaine," he whispered, feeling the heat spread through his veins. "I love you." He paused. "And I want to show you."

You matter Kurt. Don't just throw yourself around. Use it as a way to connect to another person.

His father's words rang in his head. He knew that there was no one else on this planet that he would rather give all of himself to. And he knew that Blaine would not take advantage of him.

Blaine pulled back, his eyes searching Kurt's even though he could not see. "You… you want to? Are you sure? I don't—"

"I have never been more sure about anything in my life," Kurt responded, lightly kissing Blaine's nose. "I want to make love to you."


	17. Chapter 17

Kurt pulls back a bit, looking into Blaine's face. He sees utter love and a slight shock written there. But the initial reaction wears off and fades into a love-struck still.

"I… I know there isn't really a proper time to ask when you would like to have sex, but….?" Blaine says with a hint of a smile.

Kurt almost laughs at the question, but he was actually glad that Blaine brought it up. He chews on his lip for a moment, debating. They have the house to themselves. They could lose their virginities to each other today. And god, Kurt wants to. "Umm… I want… uh…" Kurt's face turns beat red and he worries Blaine can somehow feel the heat radiating from his face.

"Now?" Blaine supplies in a whisper, all laughter gone and replaced with seriousness.

"N-now. Now is good." Kurt says quietly. He's suddenly so nervous that this is even an option but he wants this badly and he hopes that Blaine doesn't mistake his hesitance for second-guessing.

Blaine grasps his hand and Kurt squeezes back as they make their way upstairs after making sure all the doors were locked. Everything is suddenly heightened in every sense. Kurt feels the smooth rail under his palm as they ascend the stairs, smells the cologne Blaine is wearing, hears the creak of their soft footsteps in the silence of the house.

When Blaine closes his bedroom door behind him and passes by Kurt on his turned-down bed, Kurt feels his heart start to race. There's no one else he'd rather share this step with, no one else he'd rather give all of himself to, but still, he's nervous. Blaine rummages in his nightstand drawer, placing condoms and lube on the table. Kurt watches as he carefully sets them down, then turns and sits next to him. This is terrifying and awkward and Kurt feels his face heat up again. He bites his lip.

"Kurt?" Blaine asks, placing a hand on his arm, sensing his slight distress.

Kurt blinks, saying hurriedly, "I'm fine."

Blaine tilts his head to the side, considering this. "We don't have to. It's not like I'm going to suddenly disappear. We have all the time we need, if you're not ready."

"No, I want to. I want you. Now." With a sudden rush of courage, Kurt leans forward and captures Blaine's lips in a kiss, perhaps a bit harder than he meant to, but it gets the point across. Blaine responds eagerly after a sudden gasp of surprise, pushing back against his mouth.

For a while, there's only the sounds of their breath leaving their lungs in small gasps as they kiss. Kurt winds his hands around Blaine's back and pulls him closer, hooking his thumbs under Blaine's shirt before he really knows what he's doing. Pulling back, Blaine takes a moment to let Kurt pull off his shirt, toss it to the floor, and then begins to work at the buttons on Kurt's shirt. Kurt pauses, watching him and running a hand along his forearm, letting him undo each button with care based on feeling alone. He spreads his arms when Blaine tugs on the fabric and quickly removes him of his undershirt as well. Their pants come off just as quickly and it's only when they're both in just their underwear do they really stop.

Kurt swallows, staring right into Blaine's face as he once again checks that Kurt wants this. Kurt feels his eyes go mushy as he realizes exactly how much Blaine cares about him and what he wants. He's never felt more understood or more at home with anyone but Blaine. Even in this situation, when emotions are high and the anticipation is enough to kill him, Blaine makes sure to stop and be one-hundred percent certain that Kurt is okay with everything they do.

Blaine moves his hand to Kurt's hip when Kurt leans forward and kisses Blaine's neck. They move with each other, complimenting the other's movements in a similar fashion. They kiss without any rush, knowing that if the other asks to stop, they will without question. They don't need to be hasty now. They have the time to enjoy the other's presence in the most intimate way possible and for both, that is what matters. Not the act itself, but to fully be able to share their love for each other.

Kurt's lips part against Blaine's and he shivers as Blaine's tongue traces his bottom lip. Blaine smiles and runs his hands down Kurt's back, feeling the tremors that wrack Kurt's spine. And his smile fades as he suddenly he realizes Kurt's entire body is shaking for reasons other than initially thought. His lips have stopped moving and he is hardly breathing.

"Kurt." Blaine says urgently, immediately bringing his hands up to Kurt's face. "You're not okay. Tell me what's wrong."

The emotion in the air is sparking. Kurt closes his eyes and focuses on the feel of Blaine's gentle hands on his cheeks. He licks his lips. "I want to. I do, Blaine. I just…"

"What is it?" There's no judgment in the question at all and Kurt watches Blaine's dark eyes move back and forth worriedly.

"I don't know," Kurt admits feebly. "I… I've never…" He feels so ashamed. Blaine has never had sex either and he's just fine right now. Why is it so hard to relax?

"You're so tense," Blaine murmurs, laying his forehead against Kurt's. "Are you scared?"

"Yes," he says softly, closing his eyes again.

Blaine is quiet for a while, but then strokes his hand against Kurt's cheek and the embarrassed tears that slip past his eyelids. Kurt immediately lets out a soft breath. After another moment, Blaine speaks up quietly.

"I… I think I know something that might help, if you want to try it. A-and I kind of want to too."

Kurt's eyes open. "What?"

"Lay down for me? On your back."

There's plenty of room for him to say that he doesn't want to, but Kurt does so, watching Blaine as he lays back. Blaine shifts on his knees next to him, bringing his hand up to Kurt's forehead and pushing his hair back. "I want to see you," he whispers. "And when I touch you, I can."

Understanding pricks in Kurt's mind. "Oh. O-okay."

Blaine's face softens and he moves his hand along Kurt's cheek, then repeats the motion with his other hand on the opposite cheek. After he carefully brushes across Kurt's closed eyelids, then his nose, his chin, his ears, his slightly parted lips, he traces the soft line of Kurt's neck, whispering, "Anytime you want me to stop, tell me."

Kurt knows Blaine will stay true to his promise, but he feels himself automatically relaxing. He sighs and answers, "No. This… this feels nice."

He doesn't know what Blaine's face looks like at this moment, but he feels his soft fingertips running down to his collarbone, tracing every curve and following down to his shoulders, then along each arm, back up and pausing for only a moment before running the backs of his hands down Kurt's bare torso. Blaine's touches are so gentle, so soft, so caring. He's touching, feeling, memorizing every part of Kurt with eyes closed and a soft smile on his lips. His hands move along Kurt's sides, down to his hips, his bare thighs and suddenly Kurt is grateful for the slight coverage of his underwear. Heat floods his body and he feels himself start to get hard. He starts to turn his body away from Blaine on instinct to hide, but a hand stops him.

"Are you okay?"

"I… I just… um… that feels really good." He stammers, accenting the 'really' and hoping Blaine gets the hint.

It's clear on his face that he does, but he just says, "It's okay. Don't be embarrassed. Really, Kurt, I don't care and… I still would like to touch you, if that's okay?"

Kurt slowly returns his body to lay flat against the bed, trying to swallow the embarrassment. "Okay," he says softly.

Blaine begins again, slowly trailing his hands along the front of Kurt's legs, to the tops of his feet. When he's done, he asks him to lay on his stomach, which he does without question. He feels his muscles unwind as Blaine starts again at his neck, to his shoulders, fanning broad hands down his back and feeling the rise and fall of his body as he breathes. He runs his hands over the curve of Kurt's ass and down his legs, over the gently defined calf muscle and even along his Achilles tendon. Kurt is glad he knowingly avoids the bottoms of his feet, knowing how ticklish his is there.

Kurt feels like he's practically sinking into the sheets now, feeling so relaxed to the point of sleep, except that he's hard and having to stop himself from pushing down into the mattress. When Blaine's hands leave his body, he lets out a shaky breath.

"Is that better?" Blaine asks and Kurt lifts his head and pushes himself up with arms that feel like rubber.

"Thank you," he whispers and Blaine traces his cheekbone again. Kurt swears he will never again question the power of something so simple as a touch. Then Blaine's hand presses against the back of his head and he is pulled into a slow, deep, open-mouthed kiss.

Blaine releases him for a moment, then leans forward and whispers in his ear, "What do you want me to do?" before letting his cheek trail along Kurt's as he pulls away and waits.

Kurt looks into Blaine's eyes, so very dark and wide with lust at this point, and lets this sentence run through his head. Blaine is blatantly offering, and Kurt knows he will do anything he asks. Kurt swallows again and ventures, "Can I touch you?" and his voice only shakes slightly. Stretching out his arm, Blaine grasps the small bottle on the table, pressing it into Kurt's hands as he brushes his lips against Kurt's cheek. Kurt can feel his lips form words, so softly spoken.

"Of course."

As Kurt opens the bottle and pours some of the liquid on his hand, Blaine slides out of his underwear and waits. Kurt spreads the liquid on one hand with his fingers, suddenly not able to keep his eyes off of Blaine. He's seen him naked before, but god he's so beautiful and neither of them have ever been this vulnerable with each other before. He licks his lips as he shifts closer. Blaine's eyes lock on his and he sees nothing but trust and utter beauty staring unseeingly back at him. Kurt stops right beside Blaine, reaching his other hand out to run softly down Blaine's back. He feels the muscles contract under his hand and for a moment, he is amazed at the human body and the small shifting movements under the skin. Blaine pushes himself up on his hands and knees, presenting himself to Kurt and solidifying the fact to Kurt that he wants him to just as much as Kurt does.

With his lube-slicked fingers, Kurt hesitantly places a finger at the top of Blaine's ass and runs his hand down until he stops at his entrance. Everything from this point out is brand new to both of them and Kurt is almost too excitedly nervous to feel truly scared. He knows Blaine wants this and he knows that he wants this. He glances at the back of Blaine's head, not sensing any reason that he should stop. So he begins to gently move his finger in a circle, again and again, listening to the soft sounds that Blaine makes when he does this. He presses down harder, letting his finger slip inside up to the first knuckle. Blaine gasps, but doesn't say to stop. Kurt pauses, then carefully begins to push his finger in more, slowly, listening to Blaine's slightly hitching breath. When he is all the way in, he stops.

Blaine doesn't move, only breathes softly.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asks

"Just… just go slow, okay?"

Kurt chews on his lip and retracts his finger halfway and carefully pushing back in. A low moan tumbles from Blaine's mouth and for a moment, Kurt's terrified he hurt him, but he recognizes the sound as one of pleasure and keeps going. He gently moves faster when Blaine seems ready, prepared to stop at any point.

"Kurt… you… you can… oh…" The sentence fragments are enough for Kurt to get the message and he hesitantly pushes his index finger alongside his middle finger. He slows down when Blaine gasps again at the burning stretch, moving when Blaine asks him to. The tightness that pulses back around his fingers is something almost mesmerizing to feel. Kurt spreads his fingers a bit, stretching as best he can. He adds a third finger when Blaine asks, the soft sighs coming more often as he gets used to the sensation.

Kurt watches what he can see of the back of Blaine's head, getting a view mainly of his upper back and the curls peeking up where his head is down. The tan skin of Blaine's smooth back is gorgeous and bare and beautiful as he breathes heavily. His fingers shift in and out and he happens to bend them a bit, brushing over a place that makes Blaine suddenly drop his head and groan. Kurt stills his fingers, his heart leaping into his throat. That sound Blaine just uttered is unlike anything he's ever heard him make.

"Oh god, Kurt…" Blaine says quietly, rocking his hips back a bit. "That… that's… feels so good."

Kurt moves his fingers again, eyes on Blaine's back as he carefully shifts and listens for the confirmation that he's found what he's now looking for. Blaine lets his shoulders drop forward too and his shoulder blades stick out over the lines of muscle as he holds himself up on his arms.

Kurt pushes lightly against that spot, again and again and again until Blaine is moaning brokenly and he lets his legs slip further apart, leaning down more. Kurt's been hard for so long now and he's surprised it doesn't hurt, but he's almost forgotten about it, strange as it seems. It's only Blaine here, only Blaine in front of him and being slowly worked to fall apart and it's the weirdest thing for Kurt to know that he has that power, all in a gentle touch. And Blaine keeps softly moaning and all Kurt wants is to keep hearing those sounds and then Blaine starts to beg and every ounce of Kurt's self-control flies out the window.

"P-please, Kurt. I… I n-need… you. Please."

Kurt nods to the air around them, knowing Blaine can't look at him from his current position, even if he could see.

"O-okay," he says softly, trying to decide what to do next. Blaine's loving this and Kurt's loving that Blaine is loving this and he really doesn't want to have to make him stop making those noises, but he slowly pulls his fingers out, wincing as he hears Blaine's gasp.

"Sorry, sorry," he murmurs hurriedly, thinking he went too fast.

Blaine takes a slow breath, lets it out, then answers, "No, Kurt, it's fine. I just… I… I want you so badly."

The breath Kurt sighs out after sliding out of his underwear is shaky, but he grabs the bottle of lube again and a condom, trying to steady it between his trembling fingers. His movements are too rushed, too anxious, and he barely tears the silver wrapper, having to try again. He hears Blaine move on the bed and he doesn't look up, too much in concentration and having to fight his over-strung nerves.

"Shh…" Blaine whispers and moves his hands up until he feels Kurt's arms, then drags his palms down to Kurt's occupied hands. He unfolds Kurt's fingers and feels along the tear, pulling it more and opening the wrapper in one swift movement. He brings a hand down to Kurt's side, moving down, down, and kisses Kurt's neck softly as his other hand lowers to meet the first. Kurt bites back a sigh as he feels Blaine carefully cover him, moving his hands away when he's done and rubbing up and down the outside of Kurt's thighs. Kurt cups Blaine's face in his hand, tilting his head and kissing the spot below his ear that makes his breath come faster. They kiss slowly, relishing in the feel of having each other so close with nothing else around them that matters. Nothing matters but them.

Then Blaine's pulling Kurt forward and Kurt's hand fumbles for the lube and he probably spills some on the sheets but he knows Blaine doesn't care. He strokes up and down a few times, thoroughly covering himself and making sure the condom is on properly. There might be too much lube, but Kurt doesn't want to hurt Blaine. At least he manages to close the bottle before it ends up somewhere in the tangled covers. Blaine is waiting for him in the same place he was before, held up on his arms and for some reason, Kurt strokes his hands over Blaine's back once, watching as he relaxes and shifts. He brings his hands down to his hips, then to the outside of his thighs, rising up on his knees and holy shit this is happening. He is moving so slowly, hardly able to believe that he gets to make love to Blaine, that he is so lucky to even be able to hold him, kiss him, touch him. And when he opens his eyes and sees Blaine waiting so patiently, his arms shaking with need and yet still just waiting for Kurt to take him when he wants to and knowing that even if Kurt said he wanted to stop right now, Blaine would do so, the thought runs through his head. Not lucky, he tells himself. In love.

He moves his hands gently up and down the smooth skin and pushing so carefully against Blaine's entrance. Even at this slight contact, Blaine bites his lip and tries to keep from moaning. He's not going to last long, not with his muscles already shaking, and he can't bring himself to care. He gets to share this with Kurt and no matter what happens next, it's enough that it doesn't have to be anything but natural. He doesn't care if it's 'perfect' because with Kurt, it will be.

Kurt moves closer, pushing up again and past the tight ring of muscle. Blaine lets out a gentle groan at this sensation and controls his breathing, deep and calm, as Kurt continues. It burns and it hurts and Kurt's aware of that, moving as slowly as he can while still making progress and Blaine knows the look of guilt that's written on his face right now. He's seen that look before and it appears in his mind now.

"Keep going," he assures him gently, watching Kurt's face in his mind turn from guilt to hesitance to bliss.

Kurt's eyes are closed and his lips are slightly parted and he's breathing in a funny way because if he doesn't keep forcing air out of his lungs, he won't breathe at all. There's so much… so much around him and he's trembling again, but this time it's from trying to keep going at the slow pace he is. And when he's finally buried inside Blaine, he sighs deeply and stops. The room is silent, save for their breathing, and Kurt waits, feeling the way Blaine is trying to relax around him.

"Are you okay?"

The question is surprising, but only because of whose voice it belongs to. The question was on Kurt's lips, but Blaine got there first and Kurt's furrowing his eyebrows a bit and almost wants to laugh at the reversal.

"I should be asking you that." Kurt replies softly. "But yes, I'm fine."

He can almost hear Blaine's smile. "Good." He pauses. "Give me a second, okay?"

"As long as you need," he whispers, closing his eyes again and trying to get used to the unfamiliar but so welcoming sensation around him.

A few more deep breaths and Blaine shifts experimentally, telling him that he's ready. Kurt's chewing his lip again but when he pulls back just slightly and feels the tight drag on him and the small sound that comes from Blaine hits his ears, his mouth falls open. He does it again, pulling back more and pushing in slowly. And again, back more and in a bit faster. When he pulls out almost all the way and rolls his hips forward in one solid movement, Blaine hisses that ends in a moan. He moves faster, thrusting his hips shallowly and hearing the tiny sharp breaths that leave Blaine's lungs.

"God, Blaine," he breathes as he begins to build a comfortable rhythm. Blaine is bending his elbows, lowering himself closer to the bed as his eyes flutter closed and he feels almost dizzy with sensation in the best way possible. Kurt pulls back more and thrusts with his eyes half-lidded and his mouth is open again, his soft pants drying his tongue in the warm air but he doesn't care. He's never felt anything like this before and it's so new and so unlike anything he could have imagined.

"Blaine," he whimpers, pressing his palms flat against Blaine's skin, "Blaine, you feel a… oh… you feel amazing…"

He gets a slightly choked groan in answer and he wonders if Blaine can even hear him. There's a rushing in his own ears as he lets his body take over and his mind just go blank as he moves faster. He can feel Blaine's body pulsing around him and the tightness of him and everything is making him dizzy. He's forgetting to breathe but that's the least of his worries at the moment. Through his dazed eyes, he notices that Blaine has his chest against the bed now, his arms barely there for support beside his head. The look on his face is one of utter bliss and Kurt wonders if his face is anything of a mirror image. His thighs are shaking and he lowers his hips a bit, continuing in the same rhythm as before. When he pushes up, he feels Blaine tense below him and a low cry sounds. Panic jolts through Kurt's fuzzy mind. Did he hurt Blaine? Is he okay? It takes a fraction of a second to realize that he's hit the spot that he found with his fingers earlier and the panic subsides, gone as quick as it came. Keeping his hips where they are, he moves with Blaine, shifts with him, brushing that spot every time. Through the growing moans, he hears a voice meet his ears and he realizes it's Blaine's and he's saying one word over and over again. His name. His name is on Blaine's lips and repeating like a mantra in this place of safety they've built together.

Kurt's eyes flutter closed for a moment, but snap open again when he senses movement. He sees Blaine's arm move under him and he pushes his hips up a bit and Kurt realizes what he's doing and it takes a bit longer for him to remember that he actually is in control of his limbs, contrary to what he might believe at this moment. His hand glides forward and meets where Blaine has his palm wrapped around his straining length. Kurt nudges Blaine's hand aside and feels the warm, hard flesh under his hand. Blaine's own hand drops as if weighted by cement and he is no longer in control of the sounds that he makes when he feels Kurt's hand around him, squeezing with unsure determination. Doing two things at once right now is a difficult task with all of the heat spreading through his body, but Kurt manages a somewhat equal rhythm of his hand and his hips. Blaine is moaning loudly and he's sure he is too, but he can't hear his own voice amidst the rush in his ears and the heat pooling low in his belly. God, he doesn't want this to end but he knows he won't last much longer and the way Blaine is throbbing in his hand tells him that he won't either. They're both holding on by a thread, stepping up closer to the edge and trying so hard not to fall but wanting so badly to just let go. Kurt's heavy breaths are quick and mesh into a long groan as he lets his head fall back. Blaine is clenching his hands in the twisted-up comforter underneath his head and sparks shoot through his body. "Kurt," is the only whined warning given before Blaine tenses and comes with a low groan over Kurt's hand and onto the sheets below him, burying his face in the soft comforter.

Kurt is shaking and his hand keeps moving against Blaine and he is so close. Blaine tightens around him and the feeble drag of his hips backwards is all it takes and Kurt rocks his hips forwards and comes with a soft cry.

There is a moment where they are still, calm, together in the most intimate way, whimpering softly as they come down from their highs. Blaine's panting out slow breaths as he turns his head to the side and Kurt feels his legs give out. He slowly pulls himself out, wincing at the feeling and he sees Blaine do the same. He doesn't have the breath to say he's sorry, but lets his body fall and he's sitting on his knees behind Blaine, dropping his head forward and fighting through the dizzy rush around him. Blaine stays still for a few breaths, then carefully lowers his hips and manages to throw the sheets over the mess they've made and lay down. Kurt doesn't care that he's sweaty and sticky and gross right now. And when Blaine is settled, he looks up at Kurt, who crawls next to him.

They reach for each other and hands clasp, pulling themselves closer, touching foreheads and closing eyes. It's too much for words right now. They each can feel the other's soft breaths against their lips, their fingers intertwined between their fiercely beating hearts. The air around them softens, the day and everything else in the room seems to fade away and they are left with only each other, bare and vulnerable and utterly each other's.

Blaine nuzzles his face forward sleepily and Kurt opens his eyes to look at him as he nuzzles back. He pulls a hand away and gently strokes Blaine's cheek, watching his closed eyes and the small smile that appears on his lips. "I love you," he whispers and turns his head to lightly kiss Kurt's open palm.

"I love you," Kurt responds, feeling the exhaustion creep into his mind. He strokes his thumb over Blaine's cheekbone again before returning his hand to the comfort and security of being locked with Blaine's.

And they hold tightly to each other, not wanting to drift away, though the need for sleep is overpowering now. But they know that when they wake, they'll be together, just as close as they are in this moment and forever.


	18. Epilogue

The following years had been hard if Kurt was being honest. There was no gentle way to put it. Blaine was blind, had been since he was seventeen, and it was the hardest thing Kurt's had to go through to date. Blaine might jokingly disagree that the hardest thing for him was to finally ask Kurt ten years later to marry him but they both knew that that had been the easy part. Some would think that they'd waited so long to make sure that they could handle this while still being together, to see if it wouldn't tear them apart. But the real reason had been much simpler. They didn't need a ring or a certificate to show their love. A fancy party did not equate the amount of devotion they felt towards each other and they both knew that they would be together for a lifetime. They might argue that they'd known it even when they were seventeen. Maybe that bond was strengthened exponentially by Blaine's accident, maybe it wasn't. But they were together and nothing else seemed to matter.

It had been Cooper, next to Burt, who walked them both down the aisle. Unusual, yes, but it made so much more sense to them to take the steps together, like everything they'd done in their lives. Kurt didn't want to walk towards Blaine because he didn't want Blaine to wait for him and vice versa. They both wanted to do this together, to walk towards the officiate and the start of their 'new' life together as one. Kurt was arm in arm with Burt, while Blaine had his arm linked with Cooper, both of them giddy and unable to keep the smiles off their faces. It had been a beautiful day with the perfect weather for their outdoor ceremony with just the right amount of sun and only a couple of times where Kurt would have feared for his hair because of the wind. But even if there had been a hurricane, Kurt could hardly thing of anything that would matter more than being with Blaine, officially. There had been cake-cutting and dancing and speeches and kisses snuck under the moonlight and whispers of "you're beautiful" in each other's ears during the reception that went well into the night. Strings of white lights had been strung across beams over the dance floor that had been set up over the grass outside and though Finn complained about having to haul them across, he'd said it with a smile.

It truly was beautiful and though Kurt had gotten past the point where he constantly wished that Blaine could see something, he would have given anything for Blaine to see that day.

It had been a couple of years later when they'd decided to adopt a child. A little boy, four years old, with boundless energy and a shy hesitance. He'd already been to two foster families, neither one which lasted long and after meeting him, Kurt and Blaine knew that they were going to give him a forever home. Curious brown eyes under floppy brown hair woke them up every morning when Alex climbed into their bed, usually toting a purple stuffed bunny that went with him everywhere. It had been a present from Uncle Cooper and it had yet to leave his side.

There had been questionable surgical approaches over the years to Blaine's blindness but they'd never really given them a thought. In the end, the consultations always ended with recovery being a rare chance or there was the mindset that it might work but could fade over time. They learned not to get their hopes up and eventually stopped going, content with life as they were living it.

But less than a month before the due date of their daughter, whose mother's pregnancy had been unexpected and at a bad time, they'd come across a surgery that seemed promising. They'd booked the consultation, sent eight year old Alex with Auntie Rachel and Uncle Finn for the weekend, and hopped on a plane. And they'd seen more hope in this treatment than in anything they'd heard of before. On the way home, Kurt had told Blaine that it didn't matter, that he didn't have to do this, but Blaine was not to be swayed. "This is the first one that might work, Kurt. And if I have that much of a chance to see you again, not just by what I remember or what I feel, I can't pass it up."

The next week they were set on a plane again, headed to the hospital that could promise the future they'd been too afraid to dream of. It had happened in a blur and Kurt was so anxious he kept calling Finn and talking with Alex to relax his nerves. When Blaine awoke, the doctors said it would take time to see if the treatment worked. Days, weeks, even months and he would have to go for weekly checks with his own doctor to measure improvement or to see if things stayed the same.

For a while, it seemed like they'd gotten their hopes up again for nothing. There was no improvement.

Blaine cried when he held his daughter, Kaley, but he'd confessed later to Kurt that he'd cried partly because he couldn't see her. He'd held Alex in his arms, stroking his hair and holding him close and Kurt knew it was because he was hoping against hope that he'd one day open his eyes and finally get to see his son when he greeted him in the morning.

*********

The purple stuffed bunny was discarded in the corner, where it had been dug out of the box in Alex's closet at his request for baby Kaley. Alex was playing on the ground with the toy fire truck he'd gotten for Christmas a few months ago. It was still his favorite toy. Kurt was rocking a sleeping Kaley, one month old and getting bigger by the day it seemed. She sighed in her sleep and Kurt smiled, a small laugh on his lips. Blaine held a Braille book in his lap, reading with his cup of coffee on the table. Blaine looked up and his eyebrows furrowed. He groaned lightly.

Kurt lifted his eyes at the sound. "What's wrong?"

"Headache," Blaine murmured, the pain now pounding.

"Do you want me to get you something?"

"No, no, I'm fine."

Blaine shut his book and rubbed his hand on his forehead, closing his eyes and hoping to soothe the pain. His head felt like it was swimming, like the world was tipping out from under him. He squeezed his eyes closed harder, then blinked quickly. The darkness behind his eyes, so much a part of him now, was odd. It wasn't as dark; it was blurring, fading. It was making his stomach churn. He swallowed and lowered his hand, lifting his head.

Kurt was looking at him with concern, leaning forward in his chair but not so much so as to disturb Kaley. Blaine blinked again and again.

"Honey?" Kurt asked but was struck silent when Blaine's mouth opened.

For a moment, there was no sound. And then Blaine spoke, his words very soft, as if he didn't believe what he was saying. "Kurt… is Kaley's blanket green? Light green?"

Kurt glanced down at their sleeping daughter and back up at his husband. "Yes. The one from Burt and Carole."

Blaine swallowed, his eyes filling with tears and he flicked his gaze up to Kurt. "H-honey, I… Kurt, I…I can see you."

Kurt felt his heart freeze, then pound with no mercy against his ribs. "Wha—"

"Kurt, I can see you." His hands reached out in front of him, his finger brushing so gently against his stunned husband's cheek. "It's not just… just shapes or blurs or colors. It's… coming back. It's real. I can see you." He was almost sobbing now, his smile so big, his mouth hurt but that was the last thing he was thinking about.

Kurt shifted Kaley in his arms, moving on shaking legs to sit next to Blaine, who turned and faced him properly. "It worked?" Kurt whispered, unable to believe it. "Are…This is real?"

Blaine nodded quickly, his smile never darkening. "I don't know how but… oh my god I can see you. And Kaley." Blaine cupped Kurt's cheek in his hand. "You're beautiful," he whispered, emotion making his voice crack. "How did you get even more beautiful since we were seventeen?"

Kurt was crying too by this point, the unbelievable truth hitting him hard. Blaine pressed his face into Kurt's neck, everything crashing down in a glorious avalanche of knowing this was real. An insistent tap was on his thigh and Blaine lifted his head to see his son.

"Daddy?"

Blaine brushed a hand along his cheek, taking in the sight of the family—his family—for the first time ever. He scooped him up and held him tightly. "Yes, buddy. I'm here. I can see you. Oh god, you're so handsome." The tears softened his words and he took deep breaths.

They'd called the rest of their family, their friends, the doctors, everyone they could think of to tell the good news to. Blaine had been scheduled to go to his doctor in the morning to run tests or whatever else they wanted to do. Blaine didn't care at this point. All that mattered was he could see. After fourteen years of darkness, he could see. Though with Kurt, he never lived a moment in the dark, but this meant more to both of them than words could ever say.

Throughout the chaos of happiness experienced by them and their loved ones that day, once Alex and Kaley were safely asleep, Kurt and Blaine spent the night with the lights on, curled up in each other's arms in silence, for once just looking and Blaine trying to take back so long of not seeing in one night as he studied Kurt's face.

"I love you," was the only thing Blaine whispered as the night wore on, with Kurt returning his statement as wholeheartedly. Those were the only words spoken because everything else and the relief he hadn't felt in almost fifteen years was communicated with a simple glance into his lover's eyes.


End file.
